Randomness: Head Meets Wall Edition

Smelliness is Next to Godliness - A new fragrance directly from the Deity that brought you Intelligent Design. Ah, the smell of it!

The Answer to That Would be Yes - New Yorkers have always thought of the Hudson river as a cesspool, but it's a shimmering vision of loveliness compared to this.

Baby Food Jars From Hell - Everyone keeps a few jars around the house of storing those odds and ends. I think I'm going to rethink that though.

Their Other Blog is a First Aid Blog - Combine a wet cat with and short-sleeved shirt and injuries will ensue.

Cussing in Esperanto - Now this is a useful site you poephols.

Eeeeew! - Dude, isn't picking them up for your significant other embarrassing enough?

Hiding In Plain Sight - Hey! Isn't that whatsisname? You know...that guy. Oh man, I SO know that guy's name...

And Down at the NASCAR Patisserie - Having your cake and driving it too.

Why Couldn't It Have Been Air Guitar - Clearly, people in Kansas City have too much time on their hands...and bad taste in music too.

Smell the Marketing - These ad guys have been smelling a little something more than the rainbow.

MyHouse - This whole MySpace thing is getting out of hand. (HT to The Churning).

Error 000 - The page at the end of the marketing internet.

Music Soothes the Washing Beast - I want an iWasher for my birthday...as long as it doesn't play Smoke on the Water.

Somehow, I'm Not Surprised - How the hell did they get that thing up there?

Spy vs. Spy - I'm glad to see that our spy agencies are keeping up with the latest technology after 9/11. (HT to Cap'n Dyke)

Support the Troops - Throw a few of these out on the front lines and those pesky terrorists will get such a bruise. Bring it on baby, bring it on.

Yo, Jake and Elwood - A food fight gets out of hand. These kids today don't know how to do anything properly.

Does it Come in Seaweed? - Those clever Japanese are always coming up with something new. I reckon they'll be releasing heroin Sugar Smacks next.

Cut Off From Reality...Him? - George hears voices...now filmed proof.

Uncle Ben Stirs the Pot - Whoa, what a radical dude he is. Move over Malcolm X.

Plugs for Holes - What a selection! Always Aroused Girl (NSFW), are you reviewing these anytime soon? Or, how about this?

OOOOO! That Tickles - “I am not attempting this record for the money,” he said. I should hope not.

Asshats on Parade - But if you burned it, they'd be all over your ass.

Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, June 07, 2007

Commuting with the Cockroaches and Ants

I remember a painting by my cousin that hung in my aunt and uncle's living room in Conda, ID. It was a long, thin, vertical painting with a frame and background of black. A stream of white ants crawled up the middle in a uniform line toward some picnic just off-canvas. The second ant from the top had escaped the line, turned red, and was targeted with a white circle.

The symbolism was clear, we have met the enemy and we is ants.

I thought of the painting this morning during my commute. I looked ahead at the uniform lines of cars, punctuated by the occasional ant acting more like a cockroach - that's another post. Embedded in the mechanized ant line were several cars that I recognized, not because I personally knew their drivers, but because our commutes are all so perfectly timed that we're guaranteed to see each other almost every day - sort of the mobile equivalent of that person you always see in the elevator, but that you don't know from Adam.

But We Shared More

More than likely, several of us listened to the same radio station and laughed at the same stale jokes from the same stale jocks. We all saw the car fire in Fremont. The foggy sun looked the same. Several of us drank identical cups of coffee - although probably from different Starbucks - in identical cups, with identical tastes, and identical exorbitant prices. More than a few of us flipped off the more aggressive cockroaches as they weaved in and out of our orderly line.

It struck me that we live in a society where even a solitary pursuit like commuting is invested with a certain communality. Few of us spend our days completely out of contact with others. Aside from a few Nevada ranchers, we see other people every day and interact with them, even if we don't notice or imagine otherwise.

A Good Thing, A Bad Thing, or Just a Thing

I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. On the down side, it's dehumanizing and the tight schedules, I'm sure, induce stress. On the plus side, everyone has someone else and is never really alone (whether their emotional response believes that or not).

I can see a tremendous untapped potential in this situation for both good and bad, but it's a tough ant to dig out and I expect it would be exploited for profit, only increasing the alienation many already feel. One need look no farther for proof than the new programmable billboards that switch content based on the demographics for radio stations that passing cars are tuned to.

I gave it some thought, but I was distracted by a cockroach who nearly took my bumper off. The thought died on the tread of the cockroach's tire and I never did finish it.

Now you'll have to excuse me. If I don't get back, I'll lose my place in line.

Labels: memoir, randomness, society

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Wednesday, May 30, 2007

As We See It: Plame's Revenge Edition

Labels: as we see it, politics, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Fight Theocracy, Be a Randomist

Atheist Analysis - If God made everything in the world, did he make atheists too?

Save the Simians - It's silly, but someone has to watch out for our simian friends...eh, Dr. Z?

Offering Her Flower - Sure, Always Aroused Girl (NSFW) test-drives sex toys and writes about her amorous adventures, but her flora photos are the bee's knees!

Campaign 2008 - Even though Bill blazed the trail for this (NSFW), let's hope Hillary doesn't make the same offer during her campaign.

What's Next? - What's next, Broccoli Coke?

"We're Here to Pomp You Up!" - It also comes in a Schwarzenegger autographed model. But, there is a danger if you use steroids.

Flush Your Cares - There's something strangely arousing about this.

Hotter Than Gazpacho - OK girls that's enough snickering in the back there.

Run Stinky, Run! - Yeah, but will it need a rhinoplasty one day?

God's Everywhere You Want to Be - Your purchases earn points so the pontiff can buy new shoes or see Harry Potter, Revenge of the Nerds.

1001 Uses for a Stray Cat - Wouldn't locking them up be easier?

Eeeeew! - Remember that time you syphoned some gas out of your tank and sucked too hard? (H/T to Tits McGee)

They'll Always Have Baghdad - Was Wolfie kicked to the curb?

Tree Victim of Bicycle Crash - Clear the Path! George has been out cycling again.

Homeland Insecurity - These are the people guarding our streets and these are the people they're guarding us from.

I'm a Little Bit Rock & Roll - Time sure flies. It's already been a half century, yet it seems like so much more.

Ahhh, the Stench of It - Next Up, Britney Spears Rancid, a heady mixture of sweat, cigarette smoke, stale diapers, bikini wax, and tequila.

Attention Mitt Romney Supporters! - A little sumpin' sumpin' for the lil lady. (H/T Gangstas & Hugs)

Useless Invention #1316 - Why?

People Will Steal Anything That Isn't Nailed Down - This is obviously not a lesbian wanting to have kids.

How Much is the Placenta in the Window? - The testicle of a right whale is to a midsized car like a human eyeball is to a male polar bear.

We Must Eat Them Over There Before We Have to Eat Them Over Here - George called and wants his freedom fries back.

Honest, I Was Just Self-Medicating - Yeah. I'm not buyin' it.

Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, May 26, 2007

Random Randomness

Laura B. Fights Back - Slap some tits on her and she could pass for Dolly Parton. (H/T to Debsweb)

That God Sure Knows His Houses - I may not believe in God, but he sure can put up some fancy digs.

As If The Real Things Weren't Scary Enough - A rogue's gallery so strange you might find them in a video game.

OMG! I'm My Mother! - Fearing becoming your mother seems to be more a female thing, but here's help for any gender. And if you don't want to cut the, er, strings...

Take a Chill Pill - Or any other kind of pill for that matter. If the insurance companies and drug companies get a load of this, there'll be hell to pay in Drugtowne.

Ted is My Copilot - Certainly the best teddy bear project I've ever seen. We're even prepared for the eventuality the plushies might crash.

I Wonder Where They Go When You Flush? - Yes, I admit to a tiny little obsession with urinals. It might be the increasing amount of time I spend in them as I get older...or it could be how much I love the smell of urinal cakes in the morning. TMI?

Holy Burritos Cap'n! - One can never have too many burritos nor too many places to store said burritos.

Little People in Space - There are a plethora of reasons to love local TV commercials and this is one.

Lesbian PSA - And now, presented for the benefit of our lesbian readers...

Why Do They Do It? - Because they can.

Buy the NEW Swiffer! - Have dog, will mop dust. Handy as a throw rug too.

Froggie Goes A'Hoppin' - It's a French site...get it? Frogs? French? Aw, come on. That's hillfrickenlarious!

YIKES! - If I see one of these babies, I'm not hanging around to take pictures. There's aliens in them damn things!

Break Out the Red Noses - Bush is a bigger joke, but then he doesn't mean to be. Parump-puhm.

Seven Cum Eleven - I'll never be able to get a Slurpee again.

Why? - Another product in search of a market. Make that two. No, make it three. Oh hell, let's just go for an even four. OMG, there's more!

Carpal Tunnel Anyone? - "The next one who calls me a secretary instead of administrative assistant is gonna get a March 6, 2007 between their eyes. I've got talent you know."

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Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, May 18, 2007

Cherry Nibblin' Randomness

Shout the Power! - Maybe Condi could use this idea as the basis of some sort of power-sharing agreement with the Syrians. (H/T to Tits McGee)

Pomp and Circumcision - Rumors have it several Regent University grads did their undergraduate studies here. They submitted their SATs using this. (H/T to Konagod)

Hirsute Hounds - Great site, but the Albanian dude looks like he may need a little remedial training in differentiating canines and felines.

Piffle on Palfrey - Now that the DC Madam is laying off the girls, maybe some of them can get hired here. If not, there's always the streetwalker route. (H/T to Coyote Angry)

Who Woulda Thunk It? - I'm sticking with my original opinion. I don't care what Cracked Magazine says.

Asswipes for an Asswipe - Honey! Do you want me to pick up some more at the store?! I hear she's coming out with Tampons for Traitors in retaliation.

Counter-Intuitive Smog - If the air is bad for you, where did the guy get the lung power to blow this thing up. Huh? Well? Gotcha there, didn't I? HA!

Signs of the Times - And not a Poobah symbol among 'em. I smell a discrimination suit coming on...

White Men Really Can't Dance - Raise the roof y'all! The apparently can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance either.

War is Sexy - Even the country music fans are getting the hint.

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Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, May 05, 2007

Intelligently Designed Randomness

Another Cell Phone Scourge - Hang up the damn cell phone and fly the plane!

Anal Retentive Workers - There's kissing up and then there's kissing up in a BIG way.

Self-Propelled Rocky - Rocket J. Squirrel goes low-tech on self-propulsion.

She Needs to Get Out More - She be woikin' them feminine ways.

Screeeeeeeeeeeam! - Somehow pedaling takes some of the thrill away.

Hey Karl, You Need One of These - Karl Rove needs one of these. Destroy evidence and stay green. Kudos on reducing that carbon footprint Karl!

That Just Fries My Ass - Japanese crapper technology goes awry! Hundreds injured. Film at 11!

How the Mighty Have Fallen - Another exciting episode on the secret lives of retired Rolling Stones.

That She Blows! - I hate it when that happens.

Who Would Jesus Call - Hey catholics, time for confession? Just call it in.

Dick's Been Giving Shooting Lessons Again - The Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight is apparently being guarded by the G-Men Who Couldn't Shoot Straight.

Eye-Kea or E-Kay-Uh? - Somehow, the sale at Ikea when terribly awry.

Which Is Worse? - I don't know what's sadder, that he built it or that he plays it. R.I.P., Don Ho.

Unclear On the Concept - This seems a little counter-intuitive to me. Maybe that's why they discontinued it.

Strangely Compelling - Lay down a funky beat with those funky pits.

There He Goes Again! - And this interview is surprising, how?

A Prohetable Career - That Jesus! He was one damn good capitalist. (Tip of the omnipotent chapeau to Hiromi)

Just Go See - Some of the best photography I've seen in awhile...no joke...just go see it.

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Labels: randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, April 21, 2007

Randomness Wolfie Style

Stinky Cheeseman Has a Girlfriend - Paul Wolfowitz is in deep doo doo over allegations he's been giving his girlfriend big pay raises. I know I'd need some payola to stay with a dude who wears holey socks, combs his hair with spit, picks his nose in public, and destroys entire countries by email. Obviously, that woman has a terminal case of low self-esteem.

Was It Good for You? - The Big Lie turned on it's head. Maybe they should use this service next time. Or, if it doesn't work out, this service. (NSFW and a tip of the omnipotent miter to Tits McGee)

But What About Ken? - Apparently Barbie is so much more than a astrophysicist brain surgeon with big boobs. She's quite the little plastic minx too.

How Much for a Lap Dance? - Hubba, hubba. (NSFW)

Horndogs-in-Chief - Clearly Dubya is not part of this crowd, but if they were doing the 10 Imbeciles-in-Chief survey, he'd be golden.

A Barack Obama for the Next Generation - Finally, a candidate I can really get behind. At the very least, she'll garner more votes than this guy. At least he didn't lose to a dead man like John Ashcroft. "Let the eeeeeeeagles soar..."

Run Ladies, Run! - Cap'n, run like the wind. The old geezer is after you and he really likes the ladies' ladies!

Would You Buy a Car From This Man? - Dubya must have been a car dealer in a previous life. The proof? It's here.

On the Catwalk - "I'm too commie for my shirt, so sexy it hurts." Those Ukrainians sure know how to make the fashion statement, eh? (NSFW)

Hair Today, Photoshopped Tomorrow - It's funny, but I always pictured them this way.

Wanna a Little Jesus With That? -First, you see images of the holy dude on toast, now he's in the peanut butter. Man, that guy is hella omniscient.

I Liked the Creme Filled Ones Myself - Yeah, but what do you dunk them in?

Angst Filled Fergie - Bumpin' to the humps with Alanis.

Get a Job! - Dad always told me to learn a good trade.

Barb Speaks the Truth - "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Babs Bush. Kinda like this.

From Microsoft Advanced R&D - Behold! The secret of Windows Vista.

Just Another Day at the Office - I'm suing these guys. They've obviously ripped off the idea for this game from my life at the office. Even if I don't win, I'll get back at them! Mwaahahahaha!

Yo Quiero Masterpiece - The talent some will show with their food, but can they make Mickey Mouse pancakes with chocolate chip eyes?

Made in Japan - They can invent a toilet that automatically blow dries your ass and yet they can't even master surfing for porn. Rank amateurs!

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Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, April 09, 2007

Randomness Homo Devil Machine Style

Piratical Plunderin' - "See what happens when swashbuckling pirates crash Beach Blanket Bingo." (Any interest there Cap'n?)

Just Call Him Yahoo-Fed - He's out on his own now and it's tough out there for a pimp. A dude gotta be makin' some cash any which way he can. Yo!

Eeeeew! - Now this is just gross and so is this.

Where's the Beef? ® - "That stung like a Banshee Bitchslap." Huh?

Hmmmm - "It goes down good."

How Embarrassing - To pee or not to pee, that is the urination.

And In Other Urination News... - I wonder what Madonna would think of this or this. (Tip o'The Omnipotent Birdcage to Peacechick)

Everyone Needs a Hobby - Folding paper for fun and profit (NSFW).

Mahalo Maui Rose - And now we break for a little taste of the island life.

Those Crazy Rooskies! - They say Russia has a big drinking problem. Here's PROOF! (NSFW) (Tip o'The Omnipotent Chapeau to Grad Student Madness)

Shake, Rattle, & Roll - I love this thing. Grab hold, spin it all around, and give those billionaires in first class the scare of their lives.

Imagine the Frats on Saturday Night - The secret alma mater of George W. Bush.

Average American Voter - With voters like this, who needs elections?

Go Daddy Shatters Mirrored Ceiling - You have to hand it to Go Daddy. They're a progressive bunch who really want to elevate a woman's place in society. BTW, could someone tell me who wins?

Beauty is Only Bowel Deep - Clean the windshield, slap some lipstick and mascara on her, and lube up her innards while you're at it. Oh, and check on that pollution control gear too.

MY EYES! MY EYES! OMIGOD! - Can Spongebob Cruise Lines be far behind?

Advertising on the Go - This gives a whole new meaning to the term, "double parked".

Fashion Advice for the Ruling Class - Who's gonna tell Commander Codpiece that his "piece" is so last year?

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Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Sunday, March 25, 2007

Pre-Written Randomness

The Omnipotent One has been sick for the past few days, so I leave you with this pre-written post for today:

Grinning and Bearing the Teddy Bear - They're so innocuous. How scary can they be? Well apparently, pretty damn scary sometimes.

In Other Cute Costume News - Support the Pooches!

I'm Pressing Charges - The nerve of this guy trying to cash a bogus check against MY account!

The Age Old Question - Just say, "no dear" and move along. Nothing to see here, really, nothing.

Squirelly - And now under the Big Top...rodents on a rampage!

Because You Can Never Keep Too Much Around - Special order for Miss Hiromi! Austin is once again safe!

That's Gotta Hurt - Hell hath no fury like an arsonist scorned. (Tip of the flaming baton to Tits McGee)

That's Gotta Be Messy - Coffee, tea, or UUUUUUUH!

Damn You Kim Jong Il! - You can't trust those commie bastards alone for a minute!

Jenna Makes Call To Action - And that call would be...end AIDS research!

Desperate House Husbands - Now this is just gross.

George Gets Jiggy Wid It - George W. Bush, just keeping it mad phresh for democracy.

Vomit Rocket Launched - ...and on tonight's episode of Futureweapons!

Coitus Rejectus - Which was laid first, the chicken or the virgin? A lay of the omnipotent egg to AAG)

Zoolicious - You just gotta love an elephant playing the harmonica and dancing.

Trend Alert! - Will they stop at nothing in the pursuit of glossy perfection?

Rock the Fed! - Alan Greenspan, eat your heart out.

Because It's There - Sir Edmund Shortypants to tackle Everest. Film at 11.

Stick 'Em Up, Hand 'Em Down - It seems Darby O'Gill and the Little Latex Bustier People are on the prowl. (Tip of the Omnipotent Shamrock to Coyote).

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Labels: flying, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, March 16, 2007

Randomness God Style

Let Your Fingers Do the Walking - Look for our ad under "salvation".

The Answers - You've got questions, He has answers.

God Gets a SAG Card - Seems they'll let anybody into the union these days.

Rejection - Sticker on my deodorant, "If you still have your baseball card collection, you're a Mitchum Man." Perfect, now I can't even qualify as a deodorant user

Now There's a Surprise - Rummy? An imbecile? Who knew?

There Are Waaaay Too Many Lawyers - "It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle." Ya think?

Love the Noo Doo - There are bad hair days and then there are weird hair days.

Cell Phone Call O'the Day - Just hang up the cell phone and DRIVE! (Tip of the Omnihat to Coyote)

Dr. Frank Speaks - Dr. Frank speaks about your wiener.

Oooo Daddy! - How come I can never find this stuff in the store?

On the Road Again - Fresh from her stay in rehab, Britney makes her triumphant return!

Why? - I prefer to grow my own, thank you.

I Challenge You to a Duel - Carrots and cell phones at 20 paces you dog!

Fox Newsapedia - A fair and balanced encyclopedia, setting the record straight one gross distortion at a time.

God Speaks! - Personally, I'm all about the New Testament, but some people are just uber-conservatives I guess.

Donkey Show - As Always Aroused Girl says, "Yawn, I've seen it." (Tip of the nip to Tits McGee)

Anti-Chick Magnet - Glenn Beck, world's worst wingman.

iGod - Repenting made easy.

Crustacean Christ - I'm not sure what the Big Guy has against shrimp cocktail, but I'm not serving at my next Christmas party.

Odds Godskins! - More Gods than you can shake a stick at.

Hide & Go Seeeeek! - That little something for the stalker you love.

Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, March 05, 2007

Randomness Run Amok

Attention Cap'n Dyke - Calling all lesbians! Further proof that you aren't freaks of nature like James Dobson claims. And in other dyke news, this just in from Cap'n Dyke.

Chilly Willie - Fighting global warming, one ball at a time.

Wowsa! - This is some deal! I wonder if he's related to Mrs. Fatti Zongo from Nigeria? I hear ketchup and rice is the Nigerian national dish. Apparently Fido gets in on the act too.

Sniff, Sneeze, Cough - If bird flu wasn't bad enough, check out these. They're perfect for that little two-year old pre-med student who has everything.

Caution: Capitalism at Work! - Good Lord! How long will it be before Anna Nicole's implants go up for sale?

Pack Rat Alert - Some people collect airline barf bags...go figure.

Mon Dieu! - The Parisians hated the Eiffel Tower when they first built it, but somehow I think these will take a little longer to get used to.

Who Shot My Cheese? - Personally, I find a voodoo doll works much better, but hey...what ever makes you happy.

Swordus Interruptus - You're sitting home, minding your own business, watching a little porn and what happens? A crazed samurai bursts in trying to save the girl.

Does Size Really Matter? - For years women have been lying to men, now turnabout is fair play. Very NSFW.

Couch Potato Excess - If you get any lazier, they might as well just remove your brain and let it operate from than Mason jar in the kitchen. BTW, do these fit?

Sign the PeTITion - Come on, give these boys a helping hand. Allow them to fulfill their dream!

Keep Your Reichstag Clean - Vee haf veys of makink du vipe der feeten.

We Want Crappie! - These guys get all the cool fish. Bush went fishing and all we got was that crappie fishing shirt (and Katrina, but we've all forgotten about that, haven't we?).

What an Orgasm, Eh? - Nothing gets in the way of Hockey Night in Canada, eh? And I mean nothing.

Take a Pill - You got it, they can cure it.

Some People Are Just REALLY Into Fruit - If you have a banana you might want to lock it up before it's employed in some disgusting ritual. On second thought, maybe the locker might BE the tool for the disgusting ritual. (Dip o' the Omnipotent Wings to Konagod)

Roots for the New Millennium - You just can't make this shit up.

Oooo, You Forgot the Diapers Too - What, no plastic sheeting? Clearly, NASA missed Professor Chertoff's class at the Institute for Disaster Preparedness.

Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, February 26, 2007

Randomolity

Weirder than a bald-headed bimbo, deader than a gold digger, and crazier than a diapered astronut...it's all the randomness you can stomach!

Candidate Throws Leaf Into Ring - He...er, she has my vote. According to WaPo, there's a real danger she'll siphon off the Hillary vote.

One Word: Ew! - Schools can teach kids to do this, but can't teach them to wash their hands when they pee. Go figure.

ZAP! - The ladies can also use it as a "personal massager", wink, wink...nudge, nudge.

Designated Pisser - This is likely to be the last thing a drunk sees immediately before the fiery crash.

The Novelty (Store) Never Wears Off - The gift store for that Suicide Girl (NSFW) in your life.

Stem Cell Debate Rages On - Stem cells aren't just for curing disease anymore.

Jet Blue Update - Then, they held him on an airplane for 11 hours and force-fed him blue potato chips.

Shrub Speaks With Forked Tongue - How's that for an accomplishment?

News Flash - Love means never having to say you're naked...you just have to show it. (Tip of Omnipotent Chapeau to Peacechick Mary at Knock Knock)

Curmudgeonly Conservative - It's no wonder they thought he was the leaker, you could hear him talking about it four blocks away.

Oye Como What? - The Samba Pa Ti goes well with the Milli Vanillishake we hear.

Tawney Kittaen Eat Your Heart Out - Why bachelorette parties (NSFW) are much much sadder than bachelor parties.

Not All Spam Comes From Nigeria - At least he didn't sell them as "organic" Viagra.

He's Making PA Proud - Ladies and Gentlemen, the Rick Santorum memorial sex statue. (Omnipotent juju goes to Random Speaks)

It Works So Well I Bought the Company! - I wonder what they're really getting at.

TMI - I think I could have gotten along without knowing some of these. (A free round at the Omnipotent Bar & Grill for Konagod)

Would You Like to See the Wine List? - Come on down to Dahmer's where the meat's always fresh and tender.

Pucker Up - Some people obviously don't know their ass from a...never mind.

Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, February 19, 2007

Valentine Randomness

Damn You Cupid! - I just hate it when bloggers get all sappy with their posts. I wish he'd just tell us what's really on his mind.

Damn, Escaped Again - Sure, my mind wanders, but at least it has the common courtesy to call before I get worried.

A Texan is Born - A small kid. A big hat. A pack of smokes. It's time for some Texan fun!

Weird Demographics - It seems like this new magazine is working with a steadily declining demographic. Still, I guess any publicity is better than no publicity.

Down on the Farm - I believe these guys may be the brothers of the farmer's daughter. A hard-hitting expose (that's ex-po-say, not ex-pose) to be sure.

It's No Harvard - It seems with tuitions on the rise, some institutions of, um, higher learning, have to have a gimmick. I BID $57.50!

Truth in Advertising - It may be a fake ad, but boy does it have his number.

Pollapalooza! - His numbers are down across the board, but apparently he still polls higher than broccoli. It didn't help Crawford any though.

Well That Was a Little Depressing - Our good friend Dave Away From Home pointed us to this little demonstration of his place in the universe. Since I am omnipotent, I'm going to slip him an upgrade.

I'm a Godzilla Fan Myself - NEWSFLASH! A giant cheese grater has attacked Tokyo. There is no word yet on casualties, but the grater is said to have completely destroyed a automobile-sized brick of Tillamook Extra Sharp. FEMA has been called and is expected to be on the scene of the disaster in the year 2016. Film at 11.

Just a Little Dab'll Do Ya - Amazing new technology revealed! Company expected to release new product aimed at men who shave their heads.

1001 Uses for a Live Cat - Oooo baby! That's it! I love it when you do it rough! OOOOOOO! Can you play Wipeout? (A big tip of the omnipotent sombrero to Miss Syl)

Man, Why Didn't I Think of That? - Now's the time to buy stock in this company. I think these are going to go over big. Really big! But maybe not so big as Blue Gal's panties.

Takes One to Know One - Does John Basedow know about this dude. It'd be over the top if these two hooked up. No woman would ever be safe again.

In Other Fitness News - Two-thousand pound weightlifter and protein milkshake maven Pat Robertson is at it again. That bodyguard better watch out. Pat has a direct line to the Big Guy and all it takes is one call to put the bodyguard into a pair of concrete penitence panties and send him to swim with the Christian fishes.

Glad We Worked All That Out - Apparently, the technology of hydrodynamics is beyond some people. However, there is hope!

YAWN! - Damn bosses are always poking around at the most inopportune times. Hey! Turn off the monitor! Here he comes now!

I'll Have the Duck With Mango Salsa - These guys eat lizards for breakfast and then pick their teeth with the bones.

Also Available in the Handy DuoPack - What a wonderful world we live in when bodily functions from different ends of the body can work so closely together. (A big tip of the omnipotent fedora to Tits McGee)

Feeding Beans to the Dinosaurs - Hey! Wait a minute! I thought these guys said the Earth was only 10,000 years old.

Carrot Top, Man of Steel - I always wondered where he got his superhuman powers.

The Poobah is a featured contributor at Bring It On!

Labels: humor, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Sunday, February 11, 2007