Playing Politics

Politicians use standard phrases to protect themselves while throwing mud at someone else. For example, "bipartisanship" means one or two people from one side of the aisle joined the other side in defiance of their party's jackboot. Or "compromise", meaning: "This bill is too complex and rife with unrelated line items for anyone to agree with, but we held our noses and voted for it anyway." See immigration reform or campaign finance reform.

My favorite is "playing politics". Roberts Rules of Order requires all politicians to say this at least 10 times a day. Aside from the obvious irony - like accusing someone of playing politics while engaging in party-motivated politics themselves - the statement is actually an apology for doing their job. One definition of politics is, "The art or science of government or governing, especially the governing of a political entity, such as a nation, and the administration and control of its internal and external affairs."

Did I Miss Something?

Isn't that what politicians are supposed to do or did I miss something?

They took up this mantra to hornswaggle voters into thinking politicians are nothing but poor, downtrodden victims. "Those evil guys from the other side brought this up just to embarrass me. True, I feel the same way, but my responsibility to party government trumps my responsibility to govern the nation." There's not necessarily anything wrong with playing politics. It's the way our democracy works and is essential to get things done. The problem is when politicians use "playing politics" as a synonym for "obstruction", wherein a politician obstructs issues through pure spite or overwhelming party loyalty. See Gonzales no confidence vote or any debate about Iraq.

But perhaps the saddest thing about "playing politics" is the way voters are so accustomed to the stupid charge they no longer question it. If they do, they support the charge more often than not. Mitch McConnell's disingenuous condemnation of the Gonzales no confidence vote is a case in point. Democrats didn't introduce the bill solely to embarrass republicans. They introduced it because the AG from hell has palpable problems - something many republicans agree on. Democrats introduced it to counter-balance a recalcitrant president who refuses to admit he has a problem. That's not playing politics, that's firing a symbolic warning shot across Admiral Asshat's bow in an attempt to get him to sit up and take notice. There's scant evidence he will, but at least democrats can rightfully say they tried everything.

What About Harry?

And Harry Reid doesn't get off either. He's a serial repeater of the playing politics game. When Mitch pitched the round above, Harry was right there, bat in hand, ready to say the republicans were all rabid obstructionists, obfuscating the fact that at least some of them don't have a problem with Gonzo - although I'm at a loss to explain why.

So the next time you see El Jefe standing in front of a row of telegenic soldiers to charge democrats with playing politics with Iraq or Harry Reid giving a school master scolding to republicans for opposing something he wants - think. If you unquestionably accept these charges, you're being hornswaggled...

And I have a great used car to sell you...

Labels: politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Wednesday, June 13, 2007

A Tough Job Someone Has to Do

We've kicked off another needlessly prolonged Presidential campaign season with a series of gimmicky, pointless debates. With a candidate field of somewhere between a dozen and 16 million, many Americans are wondering - if America has roughly 350 million people why are these lunkheads the best candidates we can field?

Pundits no longer hold forth on who won and who didn't because it doesn't matter. All of the candidates come off as over-polished morons with the scruples of weasels. Their answers to empty-headed softball questions are fit for nothing other than the gag reels shown nightly on the Daily Show. It's clear that hyperactive PR machines have finally honed their dubious craft to the point where candidates now have all the appeal - and apparently the intelligence - of a box of Tide detergent.

But, at least Tide has the virtue of cleaning your clothes.

The lack of marginally credible candidates has ushered in a voting rate lower than a rigged contest in a war-torn Third World dictatorship. In view of the razor-thin margins in 2000 and 2004, voting promotion groups remind people that "every vote counts more than ever". However, it's not the quantity of votes that count, it's the quality of the candidates and the intelligence of the votes that do.

We've devolved into Hobson's Choice elections where Pat Paulson is as good a choice as any of the top "real" contenders - and he's dead. Make no mistake. Had Al Gore or John Kerry won, their own brands of ineptitude and dubious achievement would have been small only in comparison to the truly world-class, stunning incompetence of the mellonhead who won. Winning is not the same thing as being qualified. In fact, sometimes winning isn't even the same thing as winning.

On the rare occasions when voters admit to voting, non-voters laugh at them as uneducated rubes who don't understand the futility of suffrage. And when their measly vote is stacked alongside a mound of corporate cash, they're not entirely wrong. In our current system, wealth makes right and the meek (and disenfranchised) will inherit the Earth only when the sun begins to rise in the west. It's no wonder cynicism abounds.

Do qualified candidates exist? In a theoretical sense - not unlike the theory that life exists on other planets - there do. How do we find them, an Earthbound SETI-style search perhaps? Once found, how do we encourage them to run? If they run, how can we be assured they won't morph into the same indecisive and conniving con-men so popular already?

The political scene is rife with imponderables like these and I certainly don't know how to fix things. The only thing I can think of is to do what I do now. Pick a poopbag, hold my nose, and cast my vote into the ether to be stolen by someone who can afford private access to voting records and has the technical expertise to change enough votes to put his own crapweasel over the top.

It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.

Labels: politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, June 09, 2007

Scooter Hoist by His Own Petard

The judicial shoe dropped on Scooter Libby yesterday to the tune of 30 months in jail and a $250K fine. Not surprisingly, there's plenty of caterwauling about the fairness of the sentence and whether he deserves - or will get - a Presidential pardon. People are apt to frame Scooter's sentence through the window of Clinton's impeachment and in some ways the comparison is fair, in others, not so much.

The Humidor Honey

Clinton lied about his humidor honey, Monica Lewinsky. You could argue that he should've been charged and convicted of that felony offense, but he wasn't. The justice system made a legal decision not to prosecute - end of story. From a legal point of view, it doesn't matter whether you believe he's guilty. As they should, the legal system made that determination on our behalf. After all, I believe that OJ did it, but that isn't what the court found and I'm not a judge. So, I respect the decision even though I believe it is wrong. Such is the true rule of law.

However, a republican congress disagreed with the legal decision and attacked Clinton's case via a legislative process. I personally believe that was the wrong decision, but they carried it out properly under congressional rules, so I respect it. It doesn't matter which is worse, a lie about a BJ or a lie about outing a spy. Both are actionable crimes and both men payed for their transgressions. It's a little disingenuous for Libby supporters to split that hair now and charge the prosecutor played politics at Scooter's expense when a similar argument could be made about Clinton's impeachment.

Scooter's supporters think he should get off because he wasn't convicted of the original "crime" the feds investigated, but that's also true of Clinton's imbroglio. Whitewater had zero to do with blowjobs. Lying and obstruction are crimes in of themselves - not withstanding the still unproven republican claims that Plame wasn't outed. Scooter's supporters also claim he should get off because of his long and honorable government service. That argument just don't hold water. One could say Clinton served his government equally well.

It seems that on the "rightness scale" both cases are more or less equal. But a pardon is another matter entirely.

Pardon Me?

Clinton had little recourse in defending against impeachment. There was no one to pardon him. He may have lied to the grand jury, but once the affair was out he allowed the process to go forward with little whining. His supporters complained loudly, just as Scooter's do now. But at the end of the day, both men deserve punishment and are getting it.

However, Scooter does potentially have a get out of jail free card. Unlike Clinton, there is someone to pardon him. It's true other Presidents have made dubious pardons, but that shouldn't be a precedent or excuse for a Bush pardon. A pardon would highlight Bush's evident disdain for the judicial process and the rule of law he so often cites. It would also be true to form. He's often skirted the Constitution and angled to prevent legal challenges to those decisions and that is neither fair nor right. If Bush pardons Scooter, it will be an injustice.

And perhaps that, would be the biggest crime of all.

Labels: politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Neocons: The Cicadas of Politics

In a recent Guardian article, Richard "Prince of Darkness" Pearle claimed to have "no regrets" about his part in starting and conducting the War of Error. Other neocons involved in the debacle (including the Decider Guy) have issued similar pronouncements. Their amazing hubris shows just how deluded they are and that delusion has offended many. Even Rep. Walter Jones (R-NC) jokingly said, "I would like to suggest ... that maybe we give Paul Wolfowitz a new job and send him over there as mayor of Iraq, since the neocons got us in over there. And maybe Mr. (Richard) Perle could be co-mayor or co-chairman."

A Breed Apart

It seems neocons consider themselves a breed apart. Their unshakable conviction resemble an infallibility suitable for a Pope. They seem genuinely confused that the flock sees a much different picture. They see the tumult and carnage as merely the early shoots of a burgeoning liberty tree and are quite offended that Americans and Iraqis force-fed their bitter fruit aren't on their knees kowtowing to their obvious brilliance.

One by one, the neocons are going on to spread their brilliance across the land. Rummy plans a neocon think tank to show the world he's right and they're wrong. Wolfie departed the administration with an unnecessarily divisive assignment to the World Bank. Showing his brilliance, he made a hash of it. Bound for the streets - with his $400K "performance bonus" in hand - he's taken to the airwaves to shed any personal responsibility. In his mind, the entire world is in on a plot to think of him as a blithering idiot instead of the Einstein he fancies himself. John Bolton is also part of the elite Club Neocon Ninny. He replays his repetitive rejoinder of, "you're wrong" - followed by film clips showing just the opposite - in every interview.

Hubris of the Month Club

Their hubris is also amazing given the phalanx of reports that they cooked intelligence and poo-pooed anything that didn't match their well-developed theories. It's striking just how conceited their view of their fellow humans was. They were always right. Everyone who disagreed was always wrong. And each disagreement was justification to call people traitors, terror-supporters, and wild-eyed lunatics. The neocons not only mixed the Kool-Aid, but drank it as well. It's not surprising that with all those super-sized egos bunched together in their ignorance, we ended up with the worldwide debacle we have today.

Pfft to the War on Terror. It's a really a World War Error.

Of course, the neocons didn't do it alone. There are many - on both sides of the aisle - who drank from the poisoned Chalice of Conceit. They've similarly turned a blind eye to their own share of the debacle and continue - even as they blame the neocons - to do anything about it. It's one of the few times in history one could say the voters didn't get what they deserved. No one deserves the concrete ineptitude of the neocons and their enablers.

Cicadas to the Core

Soon - either by ejection or election - the neocons will run to ground, leaving us to right their "right" path. But as they've shown before, they'll be the political version of cicadas. They'll lie quietly for 17 years and emerge again in some future conservative administration to muck things up.

And, of course, they'll be completely right as they are simultaneously completely wrong.

Labels: bush, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, May 31, 2007

As We See It: Plame's Revenge Edition

Labels: as we see it, politics, randomness

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Memorial Day Redux

We've come to that holiday that half the population mistakes for a sale at Walmart and the other half just forgets. Unless the horror of war has touched you in some personal way you may have forgotten the purpose of the day too - to honor our nation's military dead.

That's what makes Memorial Day the second most American holiday after Independence Day. On one, we celebrate sacrifice and on the other we forget about what sacrifice costs. Either way, we celebrate both days in exactly the same way - with apathy and ignorance of our history.

I'm a Cold Warrior. I served during one of the few, distressingly brief periods in which we've not been at war. I've known many people who were not so fortunate and I've participated in enough realistic military exercises to see the power of fire and the rain of death up close.

The Hell of War

I believe I have some small idea of the hell of war. However, I'd never pretend to know it like someone who's been there. In that respect, I have much in common with most Americans - including our President (who fought his war in Texas - when he felt like showing up) or our Vice President (who had "more important priorities").

These men responsible for sending people off to die should have it weigh heavily upon them. But, they don't seem to have given it much thought until their polls went south and we began calling for their heads.

Perhaps they've been too busy justifying their costly adventure. Maybe they were simply overwhelmed by handling something so tragic and complex as a war. I'm not sure. But I do know this - neither of them know the meaning of sacrifice.

For those with a short memory, let's remember that one of the first pronouncements Mr. Bush made after 9/11 was to encourage people to shop. He said this while the embers of the collapsed buildings still glowed. That was his idea of sacrifice.

The War of Error

Since then, he cravenly connects his damnable War on Terror to Iraq in every speech. Not once has he asked anything of this country save forgiveness of the many mistakes he never admits. Meanwhile, Americans have sacrificed. They've offered up their sons and daughters and thousands of them have come home broken or in flag-draped boxes.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to do something President Bush seems unable to do on yet another hallowed day. I call on all Americans to work together to end this bloody war. One of the few liberties we have left is dissent and we must respect it more than we do ourselves. We must keep healthy dissent alive for it is what our military fights for and what keeps us free.

A Legacy of Death

Mr. President, I hope you take a few minutes away from impeaching our freedoms to think about those dying at this moment half a world away. I hope you can once - perhaps for the first time in your coddled life - understand the gravity of sending men and women to die.

Unless you want your legacy to be many more despicably overcrowded Memorial Days to come, it's time for you to make a sacrifice. It's time for you to stare at your overwhelming hubris and cast it off before it ruins us all. And while you stare into the mirror, look closely.

In the background you'll see a nation teetering on the brink.

Editor's Note: I'd planned to write a special post for this Memorial Day, but I found that last year's post, with some minor updating, said it better than I could say it again. Last year at this time I also took the opportunity to thank my nephew, who was then serving in Iraq, for his service. His tour was eventually extended and he came home four months late. He will go back to Iraq again later this summer and possibly be extended yet again.

Labels: iraq, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, May 28, 2007

Teaching the Elephant to Eat Itself

It figures that one of the few pieces of legislation garnering support from both the new Congress and the White House would be the immigration bill Minority Whip John Boehner describes as "a piece of shit". Rather than being the "everyone gets a little something" compromise that supporters claim, it's instead a "glass fully empty" compromise where no one gets anything except a morass of confusing and unenforceable rules that benefits no one.

There's near-universal agreement that our complex immigration policies are broken. Nearly everyone agrees it's a problem ignored too long and covered with enough patches to keep a retread bicycle tire spinning. There's also great support for beating the problem into submission now, rather than waiting for another administration.

But that's where the agreements end.

The Same Old Same Old

The current bill follows the same pattern as previous failed bills. Despite the complex task, lawmakers tried to solve the whole mess in toto rather than breaking it into smaller initiatives that would be easier to implement. In business, they call this eating the elephant one bite at a time.

In government, they call it screwing the pooch.

Illegal immigrants don't leave their families because they like July forth fireworks or love apple pie. They come here to find work. They trade one poverty-stricken existence for a not-quite-so poverty stricken existence so the family can eat. They do backbreaking work that Americans won't do (at least at the sub-poverty slave wages offered by agribusiness and one-percenter families needing maids and pool boys). Top that with the complicity of the US and immigrant nation governments and you guarantee an illegal immigrant tsunami that easily overwhelms unarmed National Guardsmen and fences in the middle of nowhere.

Illegal Immigration Reduction is Job One

Priority One should be reducing the tsunami to a more manageable trickle. We need tougher labor laws and enforcement coupled with helping immigrant nations boost their own economies so their economic woes aren't offshored to America. Fewer immigrants will come if they can make a living wage back home and everyone would be better off.

Lawmakers could tackle the thornier problem of what to do with the millions already here as a separate debate. When they do, they must see that putting those masses yearning to work almost free onto Tijuana-bound Greyhounds isn't logistically practical, amnesty be damned.

Sadly, this pickle shows the futility of it all. The same lawmakers that complicate matters now will resist cutting the elephant up. Even if Congress and the Decider Guy could agree on doing it, the needed economic legislation would look like Dasani in deference to powerful lobbies that benefit from an indentured servant labor pool. And even if lawmakers rammed through the economic reforms, deciding what to do with the immigrants already here would bog down in academic arguments about the "rightness" of amnesty and how steep the fine would be. Oh, and word to the pols - it doesn't matter if the fine is $50 or $5000, when you have no money you can't pay either one.

Simply put, a rational response simply ain't gonna happen.

Teaching the Elephant to Eat Itself

This debate is a microcosm of the myriad national problems that go unaddressed or are hidden by the real reason for their failures - a lack of foresight and dedication to what's best for the country. In a very American twist, it appears there is no workable way to eat that elephant one bite at a time.

Because the elephant would need to eat itself.

Labels: politics, society

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, May 25, 2007

How Impeachment Alters the Universe

Salon columnist Gary Kamiya recently weighed in on impeachment for Uncle George. His verdict? Ain't gonna happen because the American people don't wanna. "There's a deeper reason why the popular impeachment movement has never taken off - and it has to do not with Bush, but with the American people. Bush's warmongering spoke to something deep in our national psyche."

Apparently it also spoke to the 88% of respondents to an MSNBC poll who said they "believe President Bush's actions justify impeachment." It said, "YOU ASSHOLE!"

Headless Chickens

Americans are generally hesitant to impeach and that's a good thing. If we were always yelling, "Off with the bastard's head!", Washington would be nothing but a collection of monumental coups filled with headless chickens. Frankly, the chickens who still have their heads are doing damage enough running around.

Iraq has pissed off an electorate famously difficult to piss off, the proof being the six years of relentless bad news it endured before finally saying "enough". But, if there is an impeachment - and my money is on Dilbert Dillhole's time running out before it comes - it won't be for the cluster coitus that is Iraq. Iraq is much too inconvenient and untidy. Those who bringing the charges would be much too embarrassed to confess to their own complicity. Too many people would have to recuse themselves for supporting the disaster to begin with. There wouldn't be enough free range politicians left to raise a quorum.

If an impeachment comes, it will be for the standard illegal activities that usually bring down administrations. Just like Bill's Clinton's impeachment was about lying to grand juries and not blowjobs, the collapse of the Bush administration will come courtesy of the growing number of scandals multiplying like paramecia in stagnant water.

Incompetence Begets Evil

Attorney firings begat Gonzo's still evolving comeuppance. His arm twisting of Ashcroft kicked off fresh questions about illegal wiretaps. Those questions resulted in subpoenas for documents the administration won't cough up. Connected to those documents are other batches tied to Karl Rove and Monica Goodling - one taking the fifth and the other hiding behind his desk in the White House. As those subpoenas make the rounds, another Rove aide is pleading the fifth and angling for immunity for documents related to Jack Abrahmoff, who in turn ties to Libby, Rove, Cheney, and a good number of Congressothieves.

The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone...

No. Impeachment, if it ever comes, won't be from one clearly defined mess like Iraq. It will come from the thousand self-inflicted cuts George made while cutting his nose despite his face. If there is a Bush impeachment it will be more like the death of Enron. The administration will implode into an infinite loop of lies, back stabs, poor judgment, and moral turpitude not of the sexual kind and as it does, an evil black sun will appear to suck all matter in the American political universe right into a massive and dead black core. But regardless of how this administration ends, its black hole will rival anything in the natural universe.

It will skew the orbits of all our political planets and swallow all light for years to come.

---

Labels: bush, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, May 22, 2007

George is Still Supportin' the Troops

Some things just chap me raw, and the latest is the White House's opposition to a 3.5 percent pay increase for the military. The modest increase would narrow the gap between private sector jobs - that presumably don't require getting shot at - and the military. Military pay habitually lags the private sector by significant amounts and even in peacetime there's plenty of justification for giving them anything we can spare.

As a part-time Commander-in-Chief sharing his job with a new War Czar, it's the height of hypocrisy for Yosimian Sam to fight a pay raise for the very troops he claims to support. Is it not enough to shorten the time between extended tours? Is it not enough to send them off to war poorly equipped and then reward them with substandard medical care and pitiful death and disability benefits? In what world is this acceptable treatment for the sacrifices of those who defend our country and even those that should be doing it for themselves.

His opposition is in synch with his increasingly bizarre behavior. He no longer attempts to make his asshatted actions look good. He simply says "screw you" and does what he wants, when he wants. He isn't a lame duck, he's a quite healthy smirking bull in a china shop. This latest affront to the nation is akin to the captain of the Titanic running into the iceberg, backing off, and intentionally ramming it again and again.

Apparently, living in Texas gave him little knowledge of icebergs, governing, or common sense.

It's no longer a question of when the Idiot Savant-in-Chief will leave, it's a question on whether he'll take the whole country down with him. The nation is bleeding from the thousand cuts of his abysmal administration. Our military is nearly destroyed, our Justice department has become a nest of incompetent snakes, and our Bill of Rights is shit-stained from the furious wiping of his arrogant ass. The Executive is no longer a co-equal branch of government, it is a robust and mutated cancer on the ass of society.

Many pundits talk about his legacy. It's a vision in which he is pilloried in the present and waiting for that far-off day when historians forget just how worthless he was. If that happens, I expect it will come when the final flickers of the sun go dark.

I recently wrote that I'm not much of a hating man, but I do have my exceptions and he is the most odious of them. I may have had some trepidation over pissing on Jerry Falwell's grave, but I have no inhibitions against whipping it out and pissing on George's head. There is only one thing that gives me pause.

The skeevy bastard probably loves a golden shower.

---

Labels: bush, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, May 17, 2007

POP! Goes the Bubble

It's time to rethink this whole Bush in a Bubble metaphor. Bubbles are fragile things borne on feathery puffs of air, changing course on a whim. They're also transparent, so if President Guy was inside one he'd see what was happening outside. Instead, we can't change George's course with a Force 5 hurricane and if he's looking outside, he's doing it through three feet of steel-reinforced concrete - and let's not get started on what the Big Dick's undisclosed location must be like.

Let's view the course change first. We can sum it up in one word - surge.

Surgin' Along

It's true it's still early, but it seems the only ones confident in the surge are George, the Big Dick, and the Twins. Death squad killings are up, Barney and Mrs. Beasley are out tracking kidnapped soldiers, and retired Generals continue to rip George a new one every few weeks. Even when he does change course - as with his recent decision to talk with Iran - he denies it's a change, but an "amenable conversation".

A real bubble would have long since popped.

Bubble-like transparency is a joke too. There are so many scandals Congress can't direct the heavy traffic. The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform will postpone its own "amenable conversation" with Condi Rice to make room for a deposition from George Tennet on the evidence that got us into this bubbly Iraq mess. They're apparently setting up an Attorneygate carpool to move that scandal along.

Scandals, Scandals, Scandals

Hydra-headed scandals never elicit more than a yawn from the White House, so they've sparked a growing insurgency within the ranks of the Kool-Aid drinkers. Last week's Republican congressional delegation stopped by for tea, cookies, and a little ass-reaming and George made it sound like a love fest rather than the smackdown it was.

They weren't alone. Heretofore hardcore conservatives are getting fed up too. RedState.com editor Erick Erickson is, "tired of defending a party that continually puts into positions of power known perverts, louts, and corrupt common criminals." He's drawing up a "battle plan" that aims to, "wage war upon them until they bend to common sense and decency."

Well, ain't that just enough to frost a President's bubble?

Even the "bidness" guys are turning on him. Bloomberg News said, "While the other major democracies have, or are about to have, new leaders, America is mired in a rudderless status quo. A new embarrassment or scandal...seems to surface daily - the only good news for the White House is that occasionally these stories overshadow the bad news coming out of Iraq. Private conversations with Republicans throughout America reveal doom and gloom about a politically paralyzed presidency and party."

Ken Lay Returns From the Dead

What's next, is Ken Lay going to return from the dead and bite Decider Guy's ankle?

No, a bubble is not what we have here folks. What we have is a train on the wrong track and headed for the washed out bridge.

We should be so lucky that he lived in a bubble. If he did, we could simply pop it and make him go away.

---

Labels: bush, humor, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, May 14, 2007

As We See It: Benchmarked Edition

---

Labels: as we see it, humor, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, May 10, 2007

Is Fred Thompson Live or on Memorex?

The LA Times recently carried an article about actor and would-be Republican Presidential candidate Fred Thompson. The article questioned whether a 19-year old TV roll as a hate-spewing bigot will hurt him if he decides to run. The blog Whizbang calls the article a "stupid smear piece". However, it seems more a story about why such "stupid" worries happen in the first place.

The Times wonders if clips of the show - taken out of context and downloaded to YouTube ad infinitum - might prove embarrassing during a possible run. Sure, that sounds stupid, but it's a valid fear in an age when voters can't tell the difference between life and Memorex. Republican strategists are little worried and probably have every right to be.

Are They Live or on Memorex?

When voters can't tell the difference between real people and TV characters we're in trouble, but that's not where the trouble ends. Our electorate also expects candidates to have detailed opinions or plans about every conceivable issue. You're a catfish farmer? "What's your position on EU price supports for imported catfish." You make shoelaces? "Imported Brazilian shoelaces are killing us here. What's your bailout plan" Your pet project provides sleeping quarters for wayward deep-space aliens? Well, you get the idea.

Voters also expect total consistency on every issue, regardless of whether new questions reveal aspects the candidate has never considered. None of us are ever totally consistent no matter how hard we try, nor should we be. Absolute consistency suggests a serious deficiency of critical thinking skills and an aversion to tweaking your opinion on complex issues as the situation evolves. Show me a candidate who refuses to consider new information or look at the same problem from different angles and I'll show you a glossy 8x10 of a smirking cowboy.

We expect angelic morals and "presidential" behavior devoid of any human characteristic. We want political robots of infinite capacity who magically make decisions completely simpatico with our own without having ever made the tiniest misstep.

You forgot to pay Social Security taxes for the kid down the street who mows your lawn? Why, you're a non-tax paying scofflaw who isn't fit to set foot in the White House.

Cutting Our Noses Off to Spite Our Faces

That totally unrealistic expectation powers the tsunami of gotcha episodes that put the fear of Zeus into regular people who think of running. Some who decide not to run have the smarts and talents we need to solve issues larger than catfish subsidies or flag-burning amendments. Through our ham-handed demands, we've cut the viable field of candidates down to an ever-shrinking pool of idiots, gangsters, and self-aggrandizing bints, equally hated by right and left.

We've cut our noses off to spite our faces.

Just what the hell are we doing?

---

Labels: politics, society

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A Blind Attraction

Late arriving news here and here.

In each of the myriad scandals, screwups, and bellyflops committed by Bushies, two things remain constant - it's always someone else's fault and expect a reward for hosing up something beyond belief. Take Paul Wolfowitz's canoodle-happy featherbedding.

First, he admitted he'd shown poor judgment by setting up his chippy with a cushy job and a plush salary. "Come on guys, everyone does it. I won't do it again. Cross my heart and swear on a liberal's severed head."

A Put-Upon Chump

When the World Bank would have none of it, he retracted his "heartfelt" admission and blamed it on "confusing" ethics rules - fraud apparently being an unfamiliar concept to moralistic neo-frauds. He's claimed he was not only confused, but the World Bank Board knew exactly what he was doing and approved it. He then threw in charges of a smear campaign proving that he learned something at the Dick Cheney Neo-Con Training Academy and Shooting Supply - if you're caught red-handed, play the poor, misunderstood, put-upon chump.

One could certainly vouch that Wolfie is a chump, but poor, misunderstood, and put-upon seems a stretch.

Facing a smackdown from the board, he negotiated for a $400K silence bonus to go away quietly. Apparently, he sees no irony in extorting $400K to escape the original fraud charge associated with his blind girlfriend (puhleeze, that woman has to be blind to date that big-eared bonobo).

Cast Onto the Rocks of Scandal

Now, Wolfie has been cast onto the rocks of scandal while awaiting his appointment with the Bank's firing board. Shockingly, they seem to have turned a deaf ear to his $400K offer - preferring instead to just fire him for free. Of course, the President still supports him, but that's like handing an anvil to a drowning man. His underlings are starting to flee, but really, would you take a bullet for this guy? There's too much war-profiteering to be done in the private sector. And any day now, the Chippy will stop by Lenscrafters and see who she's been sleeping her way to the top with after all these years. Ye gods!

Wolfie is toast. He'll soon join the long line of ignominious lunkheads produced by this administration. He'll be just one more inept neo-con who never got over losing as high school Homecoming King. Brownie, Gonzo, Dick, George, Rummy - they're all walking the Green Mile and should keep an ear out for the karma that's trailing them like a bloodhound through a Katrina-shredded bayou.

John Bolton for World Bank CEO

It'll soon be World Bank nomination season again. Bush will scrape the bottom of a once-bottomless barrel of miscreants and boobs to find just the right ill-fit. Will it be Gonzo's new job? Could the Big Dick take it on as a sideline? Perhaps Jenna and Not Jenna are tired of boozing and ready for a real adult job?

Nah.

I have the perfect candidate. It's a man who has already offended every other country in the world except Togo. It's a man with an infamous iron-willed management style. He's a man with facial hair as splendiferous as Wolfie's hair is spitty. And, of course, he's a total lead-footed boob who's never had a job he hasn't ruined...

John Bolton for World Bank CEO!

---

Labels: politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Monday, May 07, 2007

Unleash the Gays of War

John McCain, always famous for sticking his wingtips in his mouth, has reiterated his support for the military's surreal Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy. His half-baked moral complaints about gay marriages destroying the very fabric of America are odd in the extreme, but his views about gay soldiers don't even follow the pretzel logic he uses to form them.

The basic premise of Don't Ask is, "out of sight, out of mind". In other words, the meager brainpower he can harness somehow turns him into a balding David Copperfield who can literally make gays disappear. Yet, a seemingly endless supply of military gays keep reappearing by simply telling nitwits like John Boy they exist. It reminds me of the kids' game where Mom covers her face and says, "Mommy's gone" and then uncovers her face and says, "Mommy's back." That's great entertainment for a 9-month old, but as a bedrock principle governing the world's most powerful army, it seems a little limp-wristed.

Svengali John

Sevengali John harps incessantly about a bigger and better army, but Don't Tell is hardly an intuitive way to go about it. When in the middle of a surge and strapped for enlistees, it seems more than a little illogical to toss away existing soldiers who volunteered to serve - especially when those soldiers have critical skills (like translating Arabic) or are expensively trained (like fighter pilots).

Admiral John lauds the military every chance he gets - as he should. Yet, he has an extremely low opinion of them. He says Don't Tell, "unambiguously maintains that homosexuality within the military services presents an intolerable risk to morale, cohesion, and discipline." He seems to be saying our well-disciplined military would destroy itself because some of the boys stroke to Playgirl instead of Playboy. An army that weak isn't an army at all. It's a loose gaggle of uncontrollable, armed thugs.

Give 'Em Hell Harry

I think Harry Truman handled a similar situation perfectly. Decades before racial integration was routine in the civilian world, Harry commanded the military to desegregate. He issued his orders and the soldiers followed them. No doubt there were some stupid crackers and equally hotheaded blacks who balked, but that's nothing a reminder about the penalty for mutiny (ask Saddam, he's intimately familiar with the punishment) didn't cure. Besides, if they can't follow a simple order, what good are they as soldiers?

If you apply projections about the number of gays in the military to John and the boys in the Hanoi Hilton, you'd probably find at least one gay incarcerated in the horrid hoosegow with them. I'm not sure who the simpering girlie man was, but someone was probably thinking of a far-off homecoming with the boy next door instead of the Homecoming Queen. I'd ask McCain if it was him...

But, I'm not sure I want him to tell.

---

Labels: politics, sexuality, society

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Sunday, May 06, 2007

When's an Emergency Not an Emergency?

e·mer·gen·cy - (n) a sudden, urgent, usually unexpected occurrence or occasion requiring immediate action.

The Commander Guy has never been known for his eloquence, so a little remedial reading might be in order.

"George, stop poking the other kids in the eye and turn to page 3 in The Pet War. Sit up straight so we can read together...and turn the book right-side up please."

Paying for the War of Error

The War of Error is funded through a series "emergency" supplementals, an installment plan predicated on imminent threats by a beret-wearing moustache and assurances the war would last, "weeks or months, certainly less than a year". Plenty of people fell for this twaddle, so it seemed reasonable at the time. Besides, it gave Congress a shot at some budget oversight via periodic reviews of war spending.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the, "sudden, urgent, unexpected occasion". It lasted four glacial years. The Republican Congress - aided by some quivering Democrat-Jelloheads - evaluated the emergency supplementals based on a string of new Presidential promises. WMD, regime change, nation-building, insurgency, Iraqi security, and a vague notion of "success" came and went like clockwork. Congress looked at the emergencies du jour, slathered on some extra lard, and passed the bills along for a Presidential scrawl.

Hostile Takeover

Through his ineptitude, George awoke one morning to find the Congressional Bank the target of a hostile takeover. The new management expected to see a return on their investments. They wanted a metric to show the strutting and posturing meant something beyond worthless drivel. Politely asking the BushCo CEO failed. Rallying the citizen stockholders failed. Finally, the Congressional Board decided on due diligence and inserted metrics into the emergency bills.

The CEO President went ballistic, as bankruptees in denial sometimes do. He railed against the bank, claiming he was being hornswaggled by unreasonable demands to meet quarterly performance benchmarks. Like any reasonable creditor, the bank continues to work out a deal, but the CEO Guy is having none of it. Even though he's the one in trouble, he demands withdrawal of the bankruptcy petition, full restoration of his emergency budget, and a juicy bonus for being so viciously attacked by enemy-aiding accountants.

Stockholders have seen this scenario play out time and again. In the end, the CEO usually loses and finds himself rooming with Dennis Kozloski at Club Fed or "pursuing exciting new opportunities" as a gentleman cow puncher in Texas.

It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

---

Labels: bush, humor, iraq, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, May 03, 2007

Americans Are Such Slow Learners

Shameless Self-Promotional Note: The Poobah clicked over 25,000 unique visitors today. If there was a Grand Prize to celebrate, it would go to an unknown visitor from W. Babylon, NY who came to the Poobah via a search on (and this is real): "how to cope with a chronic complainer" - very appropriate I thought.

So, W. Babylon person...thanks. And don't let any towers fall on you.

You can continue your quest for cultural enlightenment now.

---

Four hundred years ago this month, three shiploads of settlers left England for the New World. Today, we think of Jamestown as a crowning achievement built by intrepid explorers challenging a dangerous and uncertain New World. In fact, the adventure was a problem-filled fiasco that nearly collapsed before finally taking root. Their problems were similar to those we face today - except dressed up in funny iron helmets, bulging pantaloons, and lace collars.

The epic voyage's poor planning was eerily Rumsfeldesque - as they say today, "mistakes were made". The Virginia Company - the Halliburton of the day - filled the colonists' ranks with a collection of n'er-do-well upper-class gentlemen and poorly trained lower-class peasants ill-prepared for a mission of exploration. They were commanded by cronies hand-picked by the company back in England.

The Unwelcome Wagon

After meandering at sea for months, the colonists arrived at the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay low on supplies and in a cranky mood. They were so glad to see land again, they pulled over and threw a fabulous Mission Accomplished celebration. Unexpectedly, a band of natives appeared to run the group off mid-ceremony - not unlike the Iraqi Welcome Wagon threw imaginary flowers, and later bombs, at the feet of their conquering heroes.

The ships traveled up the James River looking for a place to colonize. Again - much like a Halliburton project - they couldn't have chosen a worse venue if they'd run a billion dollar feasibility study. The place was swampy and full of malarial mosquitoes. The drinking water was so salty, it poisoned several erstwhile settlers. Despite the lessons of their aborted Mission Accomplished celebration, the settlers sat back and relaxed until attacked by another band of insurgents. The fort they belatedly built was an oddly prescient harbinger of Baghdad's Green Zone.

Eating Their Own

While the fort protected them from natives, it didn't protect them from each other. Chronic shortages of food and political infighting plagued the colony. Their uneven foreign policy with the Indians consisting of periods of peaceful trade interspersed with deadly attacks provoked by blundering settlers expecting European behavior from the locals. A sort of reverse Old Europe mentality to paraphrase Rummy. Each time there was a crisis, the weak Company-appointed leaders were jailed and replaced by self-aggrandizing braggarts like John Smith. Replace Smith's iron helmet with a cowboy hat and he bore a striking resemblance to our current leader, except the he somehow managed to actually keep things moving.

Reduced to eating rats, the colonists began to eat their own. Archaeologists say murder was a common occurrence and political upheaval was the norm. A slow bleed, reinforced by Smith's promises of just one more corner to turn, reduced the population to 38 starving souls. Despite the dire conditions, the gentlemen of leisure still only worked at the point of Smith's sword. Apparently, draft deferments were still a few years into the future.

Eventually, the demoralized settlers decided to make the long trip home. On the back to the sea, they met long overdue supply ships bearing the flag of KBR, er, the Virginia Company. They surged back to the abandoned fort and proceeded to eat nearly all the provisions in yet another Mission Accomplished celebration, leaving them where they left off except for additional mouths to feed.

Halliburton's Board Gets a Clue

Unlike the theocratic, evangelical New England colonies to come, Jamestown was supposed to be a business venture. The Virginia Company, heavily invested in sure-fire gold futures, found none. They eventually turned a profit by selling wild weeds. It's rumored the first weed farmer was named R.J. Reynolds - a man who swore by the medicinal powers of the stuff.

True capitalists, the Company belatedly realized you can't make things to sell if you have no skilled labor. They pitched glassmakers and other artisans the delights of life in the New World. Craftsmen surged in, buoyed by promises of free land after serving a six-year indentured servitude. The upper class gentlemen still refused manual labor and the servants' enlistment bonuses were held hostage to Iraqi-like stop-loss orders and involuntary deployments. Then, as now, the upper 1% profited the most.

Americans Are Such Slow Learners

As much by accident as tenacity, the colony survived and 400 years on left us with a country that still hasn't resolved the problems of poor leadership, bad policy, and poorly distributed economic gains. If there's one thing that can be said for Americans, it's this:

We're really slow learners.

---

Labels: humor, iraq, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Dear Mr. President

Note: After President Bush's veto of the war funding bill, I sent the following email to the White House. In a departure from my usual practice, I have used my real name so that he is able to see exactly who I am and what I believe.



Dear Mr. President,

I am writing this letter in the unlikely event you will actually see these words. Even if you do, I know it is unlikely that you will heed my words where so many other more knowledgeable, powerful, and eloquent people have failed. Still, I am a loyal and patriotic American and believe it is my duty to make my voice heard. To do less would be to surrender my responsibilities as an American. To do less would make me exactly what you accuse your detractors of - traitors.

Without the slightest trace of personal malice, I can say that your veto of the war funding bill is not only disastrous, but shameful. In your veto speech you again repeated venomous accusations that those who oppose you offer comfort to the enemy and are unwilling to "support the troops".

Respectfully Mr. President, if you believe this, then you must also logically believe that you are equally unwilling to support them. You are the one who thrust them into a deadly, untenable war. You are the one who has repeatedly lengthened their tours of duty. You are the one who tried to hide their flag-draped coffins and welcomed the maimed back to a squalid Walter Reed. You sir, sent them into harm's way poorly equipped and directly conducted disastrous policies that have killed thousands of soldiers and American civilians along with tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians. These actions occurred long before a timetable was a gleam in anyone's eye and you have the temerity to point to these acts and speak of progress.

Sir, these actions are the very antithesis of support.

Mr. President, your veto was not about timelines or benchmarks, pork barrel projects or political maneuvering, and you know it. This veto was about avoiding something every one of those troops has to face daily - responsibility. They swore an oath not unlike the one you swore. They hold that oath inviolable. They do not run. They do not refuse your orders. They go to war and fight and die. And if they are lucky enough to survive, they return only to leave their families and go back again and again, because their oath said they must follow the orders of their Commander-in-Chief. These men and women have a different definition of their oath. Their oath is sacrosanct and despite the fact I totally disagree with any utterance you have ever made about this war, I solidly support every last one of them in carrying out that oath. To accuse me otherwise is a personal insult to me and every other patriotic American who thinks likewise.

How dare you Mr. President? How dare you?

I've heard you live in a bubble, but I'm sure you have heard the voices of the people - they are impossible ti miss. You have seen the increasing number of people taking to the streets in an ugly reminder of the last time we blundered into a war that served no purpose. Many have made light of your veto coming on the anniversary of your embarrassingly infamous "Mission Accomplished" speech. I think we could all agree there is much irony in that date, but there is another date in the news today - May 4, 1970. That is the day four Kent State students were killed in a Vietnam war demonstration gone awry. This date doesn't represent irony Mr. President. It reminds us of a dangerous time when America was riven by wholly avoidable strife because of a war our leaders were too cowardly and irresponsible to end.

Mr. President, with all due respect, your continued efforts to keep this war alive in the face of overwhelming and growing opposition of the people is just as cowardly, and ultimately, just as disastrous as the actions of the Vietnam era administrations. So in the vain hope that you still have a shred of decency, I implore you to actually negotiate with Congressional leaders when they visit you. The time is long past for feigning flexibility while pouring concrete around your position. The time is long past calling your fellow citizens traitors. The time is long past for this shameful episode to end.

It is my sincere hope that you finally decide to stand up to the responsibilities of your oath and duties as Commander-in-Chief. You may say that those who believe it is time to withdraw are cutters and runners. But if you do, I choose to say you are a fool.

Respectfully,
Jack Koeneman

Labels: iraq, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, May 01, 2007

What's It Like to Be a Dick?

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to be Dick Cheney. Is he really that sullen and sour in his personal life? Does he see plots around the corner from his living room as readily as he sees them in the Washington press corps? I've known more than my fair share of difficult and persnickety people, but Dick is at the extreme edge of the envelope.

The Cheney family (they pronounce it Chee-Nee) makes a little more sense.

Wife Lynn can be snippy while she unstintingly supports the Big Guy, but she at least smiles occasionally and intimates there may be an actual human being lurking under the skin. Daughter Mary is the lesbian who's seemingly more sensible than Mom or Dad - perhaps that "gay gene" had a common sense enzyme attached to it. Daughter Elizabeth may be the smartest of the bunch. She's normally remains in the background, just an entry in Dick's Wikipedia entry, thereby avoiding the ill-will of the nation and two-thirds of the world.

The Two Dicks

For me, there are two Dicks. One is the affable, seemingly competent SecDef during Gulf War I. He smiled. He gave interviews. He answered questions rather than telling the questioners their questions were "inappropriate". Then there's the Dick we suffer today. A curmudgeonly semi-hermit, with all the warmth of Batman's Penguin, who crawls out from under his rock to pronounce most of the US population traitors and unpatriotic vermin. Dick's Gulf War smirk has turned into a venial, incessantly pissed-off mug convinced everyone in the world is wrong except him.

There were harbingers of Dick's conversion from his Gulf War self from the beginning of the administration. Tasked with choosing a viable Veep for George W. Pootiehead, he chose - SURPRISE! - himself. Even by Washington standards, that was an impressive display of hubris. I believe he always coveted the top job, but was savvy enough to know he couldn't win, even with Robertson, Falwell, and Dobson rowing his boat. He needed the coattails of someone so completely devoid of common sense, they'd outsource the whole job to him.

By the time Dick and George took the stroll down Pennsylvania Avenue, Dickie had stacked the cabinet and pulled off a silent coup. People accused Junior of being Dick's ventriloquist dummy, but Dick wasn't just pulling the strings, he chose the dummy's outfits, dressed him, emptied the sawdust turds from his shorts, and guided George's hand across whatever paperwork he couldn't sign himself. Dick divided his time between his secret, undisclosed location and showing up at the White House and the occasional Sunday morning talk show to let people know just who was in charge.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

One Smart Dick

There were a few dampers at the Cheney Theatre of the Absurd, but mostly he ran amok, undeterred by the guy actually in charge or any of the politicos charged with keeping him on a short leash. Dick was, and is, a force of malevolent nature. Team him up with Rove and they make Katrina look like a breezy day in the spring. They don't believe in a scorched earth policy, but scorching the dirt, digging it up, and firing it into space on the tip of a nuclear warhead.

There's probably little left to fear from George as his administration runs down. He's slow and the scandals are deep. He's already stated his intention to be pigheaded until the last day so we'll get what we expect from him until the next election because quite frankly, there's little left for him to hose. It'll be wall-to-wall scandal and world class ineptness all the way.

But Dick is smart. He may be crazy, but he's mean and single-minded. It's a deadly combination. From all outward appearances, he's a man obsessed and not shy about using his considerable power to make the point that he is right and everyone else is wrong. I don't know what the corrosive substance was that turned him so rabid, but it's still there and hasn't run it's course. I wonder about what the inside of his head looks like and what it all means for the rest of us. I can't even picture Dick with a kid on his knee, so I'm completely in the dark about what he might be like with all restraints lifted.

Dick may go quietly or he may decide to take the rest of us down with him. Nothing is out of the question where Dick is concerned. He has the disposition and cunning of a wolf. Even if I can't see what's inside that angry head, I can see he's still as dangerous as a rabid dog - and just as unpredictable. I just wish I could see what it's like to be Dick Cheney, but one thing's for sure...

I won't like the view.

---

Labels: humor, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Sunday, April 29, 2007

The Elvis Conspiracy

I'm not generally much of a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe Elvis is in Wisconsin working at McDonald's, or the moon landings were staged in a NASA studio, or that somehow the September 11 tragedies were purposely staged by the government. I am, by nature, a skeptic. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try as hard as possible to base my decisions on fact.

However, I have a low tolerance for liars and charlatans once I do satisfy myself of their guilt. Nothing chaps me more than someone who tells a lie and then defends it by saying it's to my advantage that they told the lie. I'm also inflamed by the notion that if said liar or charlatan is caught red-handed, telling the lie is somehow my fault. Someone telling a lie doesn't make me a traitor, terrorist, or maniacal morale squasher.

It does, however, make them a liar.

Give Them Enough Rope...

I used to give the Bush administration plenty of leeway. If someone accused them of a lie, I generally countered there was no proof. I tended to explain each mishap as just blundering by a crew of incompetents. Of course, I also believed that no matter the reason we ended up in the soup, it was still inexcusably bad and Bush was still at the helm. I believed the cause of the blundering didn't matter much. Whether you're a ninny or a liar, bad stuff is still bad stuff.

Finally, the house of cards began to collapse. It became more and more difficult to look beyond the daily revelations of arrogant, dishonest behavior. With each oily drip, any benefit I was willing to offer found itself simply a doubt. Information conflicting with the party line was invariably blamed on lower level functionaries, the person who leaked, or the victim of the leaks. Everyone in the administration became overnight Alzheimer's victims. Executive privilege came to mean, "I dare you to come and get the information." The President came to look like a tin pot dictator protected by a squad of political suicide bombers. Eventually, the pretense of honesty or legitimate mistakes was abandoned along with the truth. The administration had gone to the well of distraction far too many times and the public came to trust them about nothing.

See that blue sky? If they said it was blue, at least 2/3 of the American public would consider it a hoax.

Blue Sky? What Blue Sky?

I don't like living in a country where I question whether the sky is blue. I don't like living in a country where every explanation from the administration is bound to cause a scandal within the week. I don't hate America. I detest what it has become through dishonesty and incompetence. I also don't like living in a country where I can't give my elected officials the benefit of the doubt.

I'm surprised to find that I - the prototypical skeptic - now find myself constructing conspiracy theories of my own.

I look at the deepening cesspool of scandal and avarice and begin to consider the unthinkable. I see top-down rust throughout my government. From the inner circle to the lowest-level cronies, I see a tower so thoroughly weakened by corrosive bad behavior that I don't see how it continues to stand. My government no longer serves me. A rabble of hubris-bloated hobnobbers have hijacked it for their own gain. Our national prestige and considerable treasure have leaked as readily as the levies in New Orleans and those leaks have eroded my natural resistance against conspiracies. Checks and balances have become a thing of the past. Our government is stacked and every switch and lever is off, allowing the administration and their supporters to stride like giants across the land.

A Real October Surprise

Looking at the facts, I can only conclude the wholesale rejiggering of my government will eventually lead to one thing - a real October surprise. Our next election may be outrageously stolen, or simply just called off. Once, such a thought would have been the worst of the worst conspiracy theories. Now, it seems to take on the patina of truth.

I sincerely hope my conspiracy theory is wrong, but if it isn't, I may find myself heading to Wisconsin in search of Elvis.

---

Labels: bush, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, April 26, 2007