The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: Unleash the Gays of War

Unleash the Gays of War

John McCain, always famous for sticking his wingtips in his mouth, has reiterated his support for the military's surreal Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy. His half-baked moral complaints about gay marriages destroying the very fabric of America are odd in the extreme, but his views about gay soldiers don't even follow the pretzel logic he uses to form them.

The basic premise of Don't Ask is, "out of sight, out of mind". In other words, the meager brainpower he can harness somehow turns him into a balding David Copperfield who can literally make gays disappear. Yet, a seemingly endless supply of military gays keep reappearing by simply telling nitwits like John Boy they exist. It reminds me of the kids' game where Mom covers her face and says, "Mommy's gone" and then uncovers her face and says, "Mommy's back." That's great entertainment for a 9-month old, but as a bedrock principle governing the world's most powerful army, it seems a little limp-wristed.

Svengali John

Sevengali John harps incessantly about a bigger and better army, but Don't Tell is hardly an intuitive way to go about it. When in the middle of a surge and strapped for enlistees, it seems more than a little illogical to toss away existing soldiers who volunteered to serve - especially when those soldiers have critical skills (like translating Arabic) or are expensively trained (like fighter pilots).

Admiral John lauds the military every chance he gets - as he should. Yet, he has an extremely low opinion of them. He says Don't Tell, "unambiguously maintains that homosexuality within the military services presents an intolerable risk to morale, cohesion, and discipline." He seems to be saying our well-disciplined military would destroy itself because some of the boys stroke to Playgirl instead of Playboy. An army that weak isn't an army at all. It's a loose gaggle of uncontrollable, armed thugs.

Give 'Em Hell Harry

I think Harry Truman handled a similar situation perfectly. Decades before racial integration was routine in the civilian world, Harry commanded the military to desegregate. He issued his orders and the soldiers followed them. No doubt there were some stupid crackers and equally hotheaded blacks who balked, but that's nothing a reminder about the penalty for mutiny (ask Saddam, he's intimately familiar with the punishment) didn't cure. Besides, if they can't follow a simple order, what good are they as soldiers?

If you apply projections about the number of gays in the military to John and the boys in the Hanoi Hilton, you'd probably find at least one gay incarcerated in the horrid hoosegow with them. I'm not sure who the simpering girlie man was, but someone was probably thinking of a far-off homecoming with the boy next door instead of the Homecoming Queen. I'd ask McCain if it was him...

But, I'm not sure I want him to tell.