The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: A Blind Attraction

A Blind Attraction

Late arriving news here and here.

In each of the myriad scandals, screwups, and bellyflops committed by Bushies, two things remain constant - it's always someone else's fault and expect a reward for hosing up something beyond belief. Take Paul Wolfowitz's canoodle-happy featherbedding.

First, he admitted he'd shown poor judgment by setting up his chippy with a cushy job and a plush salary. "Come on guys, everyone does it. I won't do it again. Cross my heart and swear on a liberal's severed head."

A Put-Upon Chump

When the World Bank would have none of it, he retracted his "heartfelt" admission and blamed it on "confusing" ethics rules - fraud apparently being an unfamiliar concept to moralistic neo-frauds. He's claimed he was not only confused, but the World Bank Board knew exactly what he was doing and approved it. He then threw in charges of a smear campaign proving that he learned something at the Dick Cheney Neo-Con Training Academy and Shooting Supply - if you're caught red-handed, play the poor, misunderstood, put-upon chump.

One could certainly vouch that Wolfie is a chump, but poor, misunderstood, and put-upon seems a stretch.

Facing a smackdown from the board, he negotiated for a $400K silence bonus to go away quietly. Apparently, he sees no irony in extorting $400K to escape the original fraud charge associated with his blind girlfriend (puhleeze, that woman has to be blind to date that big-eared bonobo).

Cast Onto the Rocks of Scandal

Now, Wolfie has been cast onto the rocks of scandal while awaiting his appointment with the Bank's firing board. Shockingly, they seem to have turned a deaf ear to his $400K offer - preferring instead to just fire him for free. Of course, the President still supports him, but that's like handing an anvil to a drowning man. His underlings are starting to flee, but really, would you take a bullet for this guy? There's too much war-profiteering to be done in the private sector. And any day now, the Chippy will stop by Lenscrafters and see who she's been sleeping her way to the top with after all these years. Ye gods!

Wolfie is toast. He'll soon join the long line of ignominious lunkheads produced by this administration. He'll be just one more inept neo-con who never got over losing as high school Homecoming King. Brownie, Gonzo, Dick, George, Rummy - they're all walking the Green Mile and should keep an ear out for the karma that's trailing them like a bloodhound through a Katrina-shredded bayou.

John Bolton for World Bank CEO

It'll soon be World Bank nomination season again. Bush will scrape the bottom of a once-bottomless barrel of miscreants and boobs to find just the right ill-fit. Will it be Gonzo's new job? Could the Big Dick take it on as a sideline? Perhaps Jenna and Not Jenna are tired of boozing and ready for a real adult job?

Nah.

I have the perfect candidate. It's a man who has already offended every other country in the world except Togo. It's a man with an infamous iron-willed management style. He's a man with facial hair as splendiferous as Wolfie's hair is spitty. And, of course, he's a total lead-footed boob who's never had a job he hasn't ruined...

John Bolton for World Bank CEO!