We Interrupt Disaster Coverage for This Short Comic Break
We are fulfilling our civic duty today by bringing you a little levity among the cataclysmic downfall of the country. After all, you've got to laugh...or you'll cry. Herewith are some nuggets of humor rescued from the fetid waters of the Gulf Coast:
- Assault With a Deadly Porpoise - Last Tuesday's edition of the comic strip Dilbert underwent a transformation because editors in some areas of the country thought the strip "wouldn't fly", according to creator Scott Adams. The transgression? A dolphin attacks a lawyer in the ass. Personally, we weren't offended - we wanted to give Adams an award.
- Now That's Good TV! - Producers for the Dutch version of the reality show Big Brother have announced a spin-off that will document a woman's search for a sperm donor and feature the artificial insemination at the culmination of the search. Apparently, the producers need to push the envelope a bit to remain competitive. The new show will be up against a show featuring five prostitutes who open a café. We don't know about you, but we'll be tuning in to the competition.
- Under Secretary for Spin - Longtime friend of Dear Leader, Karen Hughes, has gotten a promotion to Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy. In the ambassadorial-level post, she'll be charged with making the Chimp-in-Chief look good to our enemies and few remaining allies. No word yet on whether she'll be getting training as a magician before starting the new job.
- Rock Exposes Midget Hate - Comedian Chris Rock broke the tension at last night's, Shelter From the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast benefit with a joke that, "George Bush hates midgets". Rock was referring to rapper Kanye West's charge on live television last week that the Bushster hates black people. However, we doubt George really hates midgets. We hear he's a rabid fan of Saturday Night Midget Bowling on ESPN. Pass the pretzels!
- But That's How You Get Mardi Gras Beads Silly- At the height of the New Orleans' flooding fiasco, a group of female survivors requesting rescue were told by their potential life savers to flash them if they wanted out. When the women refused, the rescuers turned the boat around and sped away. Perhaps the Shrub can have point man Dick Cheney come down and at least give the women some Mardi Gras beads as a consolation prize.
- Man, This is More Fun Than Being Indicted - House Majority Leader Tom "the Hammer" DeLay visited survivors in Houston's Reliant Park on Friday. Stopping to chat with three young evacuees, he demonstrated his fabled social skills by asking the boys, "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" After the puzzled kids nodded yes, DeLay added, "Now you all understand that this is entirely the fault of your state and local officials, don't you? Because one thing Uncle Tommy would hate to do would be to have to send you all to a camp that isn't any fun at all." It's good to know we can count on "Uncle Tommy" not to play "the blame game".
- Wait Until George Gets a Load of This - Rather than trying to spin his image or promoting his favorite PR flack to Ministress of Disinformation, the Prime Minister of Thailand just cuts to the chase. If reporters ask a question he considers "not constructive", he just sounds a buzzer and an X appears. A firm believer in Pavlovian technique, he also sounds a "pleasant tone" and an O appears when he likes the question. We're sure Furious George would love this gadget. "Turd Blossom, fetch me one of them Thailandwanese thingies will ya?"
Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, September 10, 2005