Just Like a Well-Oiled Machine
Well, no big surprise. The Avoider-in-Chief took none of our advice from yesterday's blog. We expected nothing less. From the beginning, we've been confident that he and Feeble FEMA would join forces to make the Katrina disaster a world-class cock-up. You've got to hand it to Uncurious George, mistakes this big don't come without plenty of advance planning and "hard work". Our hat's off to his crack team of disaster planners. They've been able to make Indonesia look like world leaders in the taming of wild natural events. Perhaps we could ask for some aide from them? That would round out this disaster quite nicely, don't you think?
There is a principle in maritime law that makes the captain of the ship responsible for anything that happens aboard, regardless of the circumstances. This awesome responsibility acknowledges that the captain of a ship must be a true leader with unquestionable control in order to make the ship function and keep law and order aboard. It's a 17th century principle, but still a good one in this day and age. Apparently, Captain Confounding doesn't know about this principle.
Mr. Tanned and Rested is already starting his Blame Everyone But Me campaign. We've had the first photo-ops on the ground - a solemn leader, head bowed, arms around two homeless youngsters, tears glistening on his cheeks - to help shore up his Captaining of the good ship New Orleans into the Katrina iceberg fields. Despite calls to wait before assessing blame he quickly pointed out various deficiencies in the state and local response, the Louisiana National Guard, New Orleans police - and in what passes for admitting responsibility in his imaginary sunshiny world - said FEMA's response was, "unacceptable". Perhaps the better fitting word might be "SUCKS".
Funny, we don't recall hearing anything about his unacceptable response. No wait! We're supposed to wait before placing blame. That's right. He needs the time to gen-up the PR mill to defend himself before we get to take a shot.
During the 3.5 days leading up to his 2005 Gulf Coast Press Junket and Concert Tour, there was nary a cop, Guardsman, bottle of water, or MRE to be found. However, hours before he showed up like an unwanted relative on New Orleans' doorstep, cops, Guardsmen, lots of water, and MREs miraculously appeared. We're sure this was only a coincidence - in the same way that the person in the mirror coincidentally looks like you.
In an overnight interview with a New Orleans radio station, Mayor Ray Nagin launched an extensively bleeped tirade against Shrubco for leaving the city in the lurch. After Nagin had a chance to talk directly with the Head Cheese today, Mr. Cheese "thanked" the mayor for speaking so "frankly". We're guessing that Hizzoner was able to make the old Crawford Cowboy blush with "frank" comments about his performance and probably the linage of Barbara Bush to boot. We always did like a lively discussion around the old camp fire. We're sorry to have missed this one.
Despite all that is happening, there are several things that we believe spell the end of our days on this Earth. Queen of Mean, Leona Helmsley, ponied up $5 million in aide money and arch conservatives from Joe Scarborough to Jack Cafferty have outright questioned Dear Leader's lack of leadership. We fully expect that Ann Coulter will soon take to the airwaves declaring that anyone who supports Bush in even the tiniest of ways must be a traitor and commie-sympathizer. When that happens, we're packing our bags for the Rapture and calling Pat Robertson to have him bring the Godmobile around to pick us up.
So, the good news as we near the end of the fifth day of the crisis is that some people are getting the help they need. Perhaps Hurricane George can take time off from his busy schedule and blow into town again so that everyone else can get some of this miraculous water and food. It's just live the three loves and fishes, ain't it? Maybe a no-bid contract with Haliburton would help. We understand they don't work cheap, but at least they get results.
Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, September 02, 2005
