Chertoff: "Nature Was Unhelpful"

We had originally intended to bring you a brief respite from our continuing Katrina disaster coverage today. Perhaps do a few jokes. Talk about something different. Get our minds off of Hell-By-the-Gulf for just a bit.

But then, we made the mistake of turning on the television.

We watched Secretary for Homeland Insecurity, Michael "The Jerkoff" Chertoff, give a press conference this afternoon. Within three minutes, we learned that the entire problem with the abysmal rescue response was apparently everyone else's fault except for Chertoff and his boss, the Narcissist-in-Chief (we're sure this comes as a shock to you). Among the distractions Chertoff mentioned - unruly crowds of refugees, not knowing that there were people at the New Orleans Convention Center until Day 3, and the lack of courtesy showed by the victims who "chose" to not evacuate, thereby "complicating rescue efforts".

With anger and bile rising in our throat, we stifled the impulse to throw our shoe at the TV - mainly because it wouldn't actually have clocked that dumb, bald bastard in the head and would only have damaged the TV, thus preventing us from watching Nash Bridges reruns. Just as we angrily reached for the remote to turn that ugly talking head off, we heard Chertoff utter possibly the most imbecilic words we've ever heard from anyone, Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, and the Idiot-in-Chief included. When asked why the response had been so poor he said, "nature was unhelpful."

We hereby move that when the inevitable memorial to the flood victims is built, it should be inscribed with those words writ large, because those words should not be forgotten lest something like this happen again.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, September 03, 2005

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