Snarkin' on the Dick

It turns out that it may not be Libby, Libby, Libby on the label, label, label after all. To be sure, Scooter's defense is taking its lumps in the trial, but the Vice Chickenhawk might become cannon fodder on the political battlefield too.

Remember that La Scoot isn't on trial for outing Valerie Plame, he's up for lying about what he told to whom and when. It appears as though Chief Gossip Richard Armitage blabbed the information first, but the administration's version of the kid's game "Telephone" ensures little can be definitely proved beyond the Plame "secret" becoming the worst protected secret in the world.

I've watched a few James Bond movies. Aren't these guys supposed to keep their traps shut about official secrets? Even George Lazenby managed that.

Scooter's Dumb, Dumb Thing

The more testimony that comes out, the more it looks like Scooter did a dumb, dumb thing - he allowed himself to become the sacrificial lamb grazing on the White House lawn. Apparently, the Diminutive Deceiver couldn't believe that he'd be tossed over the side as so many others in Crawford East had been. For an administration renown for loyalty to its Crony Cabal, history shows they aren't hesitant to shove someone overboard with a lead life ring if it looks like they have become a liability that can't be ignored.

Think Dudley Doright screaming at Snidely Whiplash to, "do anything you want to the girl, just don't hurt me!"

Brownie got his pat on the back and "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out" rejection. Junior varsity Tammy Faye and Bush groupie Harriet Myers got the ax when the drums of doom got so loud that Shrub couldn't sleep inside his bubble. Although Rummy, the King of Kronies, held on long past his shelf date, Baba Bushie eventually gave him walking papers to stave off an open rebellion in the Pentagon and Congress.

With both the President and Vice President on the hot seat, how long will it be until the more cowardly of them turns on the other?

The Big Dick is a Tough Guy

The Big Dick is a tough guy. He has an impressive sneer and looks every inch the Penguin from Batman. Hell, he even shoots people before cocktails back at a campaign donor's house. But he has his cowardly moments. He dodged the Vietnam bullet with a lame excuse and an insemination creating one lesbian and one "normal" daughter. I expect that when they build the Cheney library the biggest draw will be the piss-stained pants he wore on the day he got his draft notice.

Napoleon Bushapart fared a little better. He had the iron will necessary to join the Texas National Guard. He even showed up for a few meetings in war-torn Houston before "retreating" to run a friend's campaign in Alabama and go to the government-supplied dentist. After about eleventy-seven tries, he even has some of the documentation to prove it.

In a battle of the halfwits it's hard to tell who'd win out. George can't operate without Dick fisting him to pull the strings that make him talk - rather poorly. But, the Big Dick gets a big dick from wielding all the power he gets via association with a vacuous idjit. Marionette vs. Viagra-fueled hard on - a real battle of the titans.

Going Out on a Limb

Even though most people would dearly love to see Dick take the long walk into dove-hunting oblivion, they also concede he may be the only crony with enough goods on George to last out a serious challenge. Remember, no one thought Spiro Agnew would get the boot, yet it happened anyway. However, George is one of those savants who somehow knows where to get a human shield. Saddam was at least as dumb as George and he managed it, so there's no reason to believe Shrub can't pull it off too.

I'm going out on a limb here, but I predict the Big Dick will succumb to erectile dysfunction before the election and be thrown to the howling Poodles of War. George, using his extra-long coke-spoon fingernails, will hang on until Inauguration Day. Then, he'll slink out of town to begin his historical rehabilitation. It will be composed of screeds claiming his whole eight-year odyssey of ineptitude was Bill Clinton's fault. Then, he'll throw spitballs at the new President because he's, "helpin' the terrists" by staying in Iraq. "Them poor, poor troops. The war's just devastatin' to their morale," he'll proudly bloviate.

After all, stranger things have happened. Hey, the nimrod crawled into office twice didn't he? Who knew?

Labels: humor, politics

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Wednesday, February 21, 2007