The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: Farewell to Emperor Dub

Farewell to Emperor Dub

Between ScooterGate, revelations about Iraq, and more political tits caught in a wringer than a pregnant Crawford Hound's, the drum beat for impeachment may not really matter anymore. From firing sitting federal attorneys and installing favored cronies to losing (literally) tons of cash in Iraq, the administration may suffer meltdown like Enron's - implosion via a massive wave of scandals.

The breathtaking scope of our self-styled Emporer's questionable activities will eventually make it impossible for his elite Republican Guard to shield him. Investigation upon investigation will sap what little political strength he and his party can muster and the whole lot of them will slide under the waves whilst still rearranging the deck chairs. Think Dubya as Leonardo DiCaprio...and not the one standing on the Titanic's bow screaming, "I'm King of the World" either.

I think the time needed to actually impeach the Crapweasel-in-Chief is already past. With a year and a half left in his turn, it'll simply be impossible for the wheels of justice to crank up enough speed to wing him out of office through impeachment. However, a series of federal investigations holding the promise of indictable offenses might serve the same purpose. Faced with the very real possibility of a stay at the Federal Hilton, he may elect to leave office by cutting a Nixonian deal rather than trying to outrun the charges.

He won't be alone.

Dick will slink away from his special undisclosed location and a couple dozen aides, enablers, politicos, and assorted other members of the Plumbers Who Couldn't Shoot Straight will be packing their bags too. Some of them will wiggle free, but Scooter may be but a harbinger of things to come. If I was G. Gordon Rove, I'd be sending my prison jumpsuit out for alterations. You can never look too good for your cell-bitch. Just as crimes ala Nixon couldn't be hidden, the crimes of Team Bush can't either. In fact, they'd have been lucky if they had only committed a measly smash and grab. If a broken Watergate door and the theft of some dubiously useful campaign playbooks could bring down a presidency, no telling what will happen when the crimes are truly big.

One thing is for sure - he won't be able to salvage much of anything among the Katrina-stirred havoc of his legacy. He can no sooner escape his shabby treatment of the Constitution than he can spin gold from the basest of Iraqi metals. According to his transcript, the Frat Boy failed that alchemy class back at Yale. It makes one wonder how things would've turned out if he'd spent more time studying and less time cheerleading and drinking.

I'm afraid history won't be kind. It's true they partially rehabilitated Nixon and even gave poor old Warren G. Harding some belated props, but they had managed - against all odds - to actually accomplish something. About all Bushie has done is some mighty fine brushscaping around the cee-ment crappie pond back at the ranch. If the country ever erects a monument to him it will be of a chicken, minus the head - President Foghorn Leghorn as the bronze embodiment of cruel islamofascist justice.

I'll actually be relieved if the nation gets to skip another impeachment. They aren't very satisfying and the most guilty usually get a pass for agreeing to take that long, last helicopter ride into historical oblivion. Better that we skip that divisive spectacle and just concentrate on punishing the guilty. Even if the Lunkhead-in-Chief plea bargains himself out of his imperial throne, I'll still be happy that at least some of the mid-level Chuck Colsons will get to brush up on their scripture as guests of the most convenient Bastille Federal. The vision of a quaint Tony "Speedy" Gonzales warms the cockles of my heart.

At this point, I'd happily accept only that vision. To dream of too much is only a false hope.