Mass Murderers and Uncomfortable Shoes

Yep. That Iraqi Army Is Getting Stronger Every Day

Americans dominate the blogosphere and it shows. Following our national predisposition to burn through natural resources like a 1000 lb. man burns through chicken wings at a free buffet, Americans have amped their our ability to create an untold number of useless and wonderful blogs and sites. We're not sure if this is a good thing or not, but without everyone working so hard, we'd have little to write about. So, for your reading pleasure today:

Sure He's a Mass Murderer, But What's He Wearing? - Today's WaPo story about Saddam's trial is a quite a piece of work (or maybe piecework). It details how the former dictator is apparently getting quite the rep for his snazzy duds, surely a step up from the frumpy suits, porkpie hats, and long rifles he used to sport. The story, which amazingly compares Saddam with pretty-boy George Clooney, contains these pearls of sartorial wisdom:

Saddam was, "dressed in clothes that have come to symbolize capitalism and international diplomacy...The suit celebrates civility, a concept at odds with what is known about Hussein's personality." The article then asks, "Is his modest paean to the Flamingo a simple reflection of his hair-dyeing, gold-leaf-loving, frightful vanity? Or has he decided to beat the "occupiers" from within their own system? Take it over, or mock it?"

From dictator to fashionista, where are Joan and Melissa when you need them?

It Slices, Dices, and Provides a Mind Shattering Orgasm - Holiday shoppers in Macclesfield, England got a shock this week when a kitchenware demo video cut to porn. The video, ironically produced by a Swedish company, apparently didn't shock everyone. According to the owner of the shop, "There were some old ladies in the shop at the time. I think they got over it - eventually. One of them seemed quite keen." No word on whether the shop owner will capitalize on all the publicity by packaging gift sets containing a chopper and vibrator for the housewife who has everything.

Iraqis Learn Valuable Lessons in Democracy - It appears as though Armstrong Williams is the new consultant hired by the Pentagon to advise them on Iraqi media coverage. The Army, apparently trying to impress upon the Iraqis what a "flexible" system democracy is, proved their point by paying Iraqi newspapers to run US-friendly stories. The Iraqis were apparently not aware that they could get all the "good" news they could stomach by watching George "I Never Met a Civil Right I Liked" Bush on CNN. Perhaps they lost their satellite dish in that last hail of gunfire.

Real People Are Rich, Fake People Are Richer - Forbes Magazine has catered to its primary clientele of uber-wealthy CEOs and flat tax aficionados by running a list of the 15 richest people on Earth - and oh yeah, they're all fake.

The Forbes Fictional 15 was released because, "in our attempts to explain the ultra-rich - and their super-inflated bank accounts - we are often guilty of reducing real people to mere caricatures. There is the monopolist. The oracle. The genius. The thief. The Forbes Fictional 15, (has) taken the opposite approach - fiction'’s caricatures are elevated to the status of real people."

What? Ken Lay, Dennis Kozlowski, and Tom Delay were too real for you?

Hey! Back Off! Overturning Elections is the CIA's Turf! - In an apparent bid to unseat the CIA as the world's foremost rigger of elections, the FBI has been caught running a sham candidate in WV as part of a sting operation.

"Federal authorities have been intervening in southern WV for 80 years, at least," said Topper Sherwood a local author. "More often than not, their role is to come in and remove power from those who have acquired it illegally." We guess replacing them with "qualified" candidates must be the secret to West Virginia's stunning economic success over the years.

Apparently this same dedication to making elections safe and effective was behind the administration's overruling of Justice Department lawyers who said that Tom Delay's redistricting plan violated the Voting Rights Act. Maybe he could help them out in West "By God" Virginia.

Ladies? If the Shoes Hurt, Why Do You Wear Them? - One of the eternal mysteries in the war between the sexes is why women wear uncomfortable shoes and then complain loudly about them. We've heard many a defense, from "They're just so cute" or "I got them on sale!" to the ever-popular, "Because men design them."

Can someone please enlighten us?

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, December 02, 2005

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