The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: If You've Seen One Epiphany, You've Seen Them All

If You've Seen One Epiphany, You've Seen Them All

As a result of the growing chorus calling for an actual plan in Iraq, the Bushter tip-toed into Annapolis this morning and speechified about it. The goal was to offer something more substantial than the "It Takes as Long as It Takes and We Must Win and Just Trust Me" plan. Judging from what we know so far, we - and certainly others - suspect this may not be the correct formula. However, we'll give it a little room to breathe before we jump on his back. We are heartened that Shrub seems to have seen a least a small sliver of light about even needing a real plan. True, it took merciless hammering for two years and record low job approvals to do it, but he's clearly a believer in the "better late than never" stance.

What we aren't heartened by is Shrub's insistence on leaving many of the key people who helped create this mess in their positions of authority. Forgetting about his Administration's many other fiascos, and Condoleeza Rice's recent performance notwithstanding, there are still quite a few obvious boneheads wandering the halls of the White House in search of something else to muck up.

Perhaps the chief mucker this week is SecDef Donald Rumsfeld. As he's done several times in the past, he offered public comments that again show just how big a knothead he is. In the midst of the worsening crisis in Iraqi he felt it necessary to weigh in with an important revision to Webster's Dictionary - insurgents aren't really insurgents. "Enemies of the legitimate Iraqi government," was Rummy's suggestion. EOTLIG for short. It sort of rolls off the tongue like his suggestion to change the "war on terror" to the "global struggle against violent extremism," or GSAVE. Or how about his insistence that the nations fighting the war be called a "coalition" when the biggest contributor to the effort aside from Britain was that other well-known world power Poland. And lets not forget Togo's contribution either, we couldn't win without them either. We won't even go into that whole suicide vs homicide bomber thing.

We don't think EOTLIG will stick. For one thing, even Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Peter Pace said, "I have to use the word 'insurgent' because I can't think of a better word right now." Pace even apologized for using the word a second time, saying, "Sorry, sir. I'm not trainable today." We will agree on one thing, there was an untrainable person on the podium yesterday, and it wasn't Pace.

Rummy called his notion to change the vernacular an epiphany. We're glad he continues to have these visions, but we'd sure be happier if he had epiphanies about something important like doing his freaking job. We'd be even happier if the Chimp-in-Chief had an epiphany and fired his sorry ass. But sadly, we think Bush doesn't pray at that church.