The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: From The Devil to Deadly Thumbtacks and All Points in Between

From The Devil to Deadly Thumbtacks and All Points in Between

It's a quiet, lazy Sunday afternoon. Lazy is the operative word here. After a week where the high point was the family dryer going belly-up, we plan not to work our omnipotent muscles too hard today. So without further ado, crap we've stolen from someplace else:

The Devil Went Down to Prince William County - The C.D. Hylton High School Marching Bulldawgs got invited to the Peach Bowl to perform. The kids - justifiably proud band geeks all - decided to honor their invitors with a rousing rendition of The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Instead of patting the musically inclined kids on the back for a job well done, the local news-rag jumped on the religious-themed song bandwagon and opined how a public school could play a song about the devil without violating the separation of church and state. Chaos - as it so often does - ensued and the tune was pulled from the playlist. "God have mercy. How did we become a country full of weenies who give into the cranky nonsense of one voice?" one astute observer commented. Our sentiments in a nutshell.
Good Girls Don't - A 17 year old Australian student found herself the butt - no pun intended - of rumors claiming her to be a lookalike in a porn film. The girl said she was left shocked when she saw the video. "It made me feel horrible, it was unfair and humiliating that they had done this," the non-wannabe porn starlet said. The kicker, Mom and Dad had to become paying members of the dirty video club to see the clip. "As her parents we were astounded at the resemblance...to our daughter and, had we not recognized the difference in body features, we would have thought the same as everyone else – that it was her," her father said.
And In Additional Sleazy News - A new hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand features photos of local models over the urinals in the men's room. Scoping out customers as they take care of business, the ladies sport binoculars, tape measures, cameras, and at least one appears to be laughing at what she sees. Reactions about the Kiwi lookie loo is mixed. Quote one smiling patron, "The girl with the glasses, we made eye contact so it was quite nice." Wethinks that guy needs to get out more.
Condi In The News - Secretary of State and oil tanker namesake Condoleeza Rice made it into the news this week with two rather odd bits. First up: Condi, the best crony the Bushster has is denying reports that she will run for President in 2008. "I'm quite certain that there are going to be really fine candidates for president from our party, and I'm looking forward to seeing them and perhaps supporting them," Condi told Fox News. We're betting that if current Republican methods hold true, the Chairman of the RNC's Presidential Search Committee will end up with the nod and they didn't ask her about her interest in that gig. Next up: Condi is giving Britain's Foreign Secretary Jack Straw a tour of the country showing off "the best of America". Stops will include - and this is not a joke - storm ravaged Mississippi and Alabama. If Katrina was an example of the Smirking Chimp at his best, where are they going on the "worst of America" tour?
Trickle Down Economics - Economic Wizard GW has claimed from the beginning that tax cuts for the wealthy were the perfect formula for improving the economy. And what segment of the economy are the Billionaires for Bush bolstering these days? How about the RV industry. The Big Toys for Big Boys are apparently flying off the lots in the form of million dollar RVs. Given the Shrub's own self-proclaimed blue collar tastes, is this just a case of Trailer Trash going upscale? We report, you decide.
Marines Take Initiative to Combat Recruiting Decline - An 85 year old peace activist from Seattle recently received a recruiting pitch from the USMC. "Now is the time to put your unique language skills to the test as a member of the United States Marine Corps," the letter gushes. Your command of the Arabic language will be invaluable..." "He wanted to recruit me for my skill in the Arabic language," the potential Leatherneck said. "I don't speak Arabic. I learned a little French but my accent is terrible." The feisty recruit and her husband celebrated the event by attending a peace rally on their 60th anniversary.
Another Triumph of Technology Over Common Sense - BT Futurology is currently developing breast implants with an embedded MP3 player for female rockers on the go. A company spokesman said, "It is now very hard for me to think of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful." My vote is for a built-in espresso maker. Marketing would be a cinch, "Fresh coffee and all the milk you can froth."
Prez Safe, Secret Service Wrestles Deadly Thumbtack to the Ground - A teacher at Currituck County High School assigned her class "to take photographs to illustrate their rights in the Bill of Rights." One young fan of the First Amendment took a photo of the Chimpster and tacked the picture to a wall with a red thumb tack through his head. Then he made a thumb's-down sign next to the El Presidente's picture, had a photo taken of that, and pasted it on a poster. An eagle-eyed guardian of America's shores at the local Wal-Mart tipped off the Secret Service about the photo, prompting the black suit and sunglasses guys to open an investigation. According to the teacher, the G-Men said the project "would be interpreted by the US attorney, who would decide whether the student could be indicted." Apparently already busy with the Frist and Delay cases, the US attorney decided not to press charges. The fuming teacher used one word to describe the whole incident, "ridiculous". Not exactly the term we would have used, but true enough.