John Bolton - Great Boss or Great Diplomat?

John "I Am the Walrus" Bolton's name fought its way back through the busy media curtain today in a story suggesting that King Dumbya may appoint him ambassador to the UN while Congress is on its summer recess - a tactic that would bring new meaning to the phrase "what I did on my summer vacation".

You'll remember Revoltin' Bolton as the psychopathic arms negotiator/Republican lawyer in the Florida recounts as the man who believes there is no place for the United Nations. Apparently, this makes him the perfect candidate for the job of ambassador to said organization according to many G-O-PeePees.

He's also the guy that provided such great entertainment during his confirmation hearings.

It seems "Laughin' " John had a penchant for throwing temper tantrums if he didn't get his way. Stories included one where he chased a staffer through a hotel and hammered on her door with a shoe because she wasn't supporting his position strongly enough. John also caught the eye of his boss Colin Powell, who kept him on such a short leash that all of his public statements had to me approved by the SecState before he was allowed to speak to actual human beings. His new boss, Condi Rice, promises to keep him on an equally short leash as a way to placate concerns about his abysmal behavior. Gee, he sounds better all the time doesn't he?

Most of Capt. Kangaroo's confirmation hearings centered on his less-than-admirable behavior toward his co-workers rather than his other poor credentials for the job. There were dozens of stories about him berating junior analysts, screaming at co-workers, and vociferously arguing the point with superiors after it was clear that he had lost the argument. Apparently, some Repugnant Repubs thought his mistreatment of others was as hearty a recommendation as his belief that the institution to which he was being nominated didn't need to exist. US allies were, of course, thrilled about this nomination.

The Poobah isn't particularly surprised that these Repubs, who will be the future lobbyists and CEOs for large companies, feel that way. They are steeped in a long tradition of powerful people with huge egos who can't seem to get along with "the little people" (and we don't mean midgets). It seems that, in the business world at least, anti-social behavior is what gets you ahead. Think Enron, where Ken Lay and his energy traders giggled as they "screwed poor old Aunt Millie in California" while swearing on a stack of well-used Bibles that they had no part in the energy shell game going on that hot summer in the West. Think Martha Stewart, who fought her way to the top through sheer tenaciousness and a mean streak that would make a wolverine wince. Think Dennis Kozlowski, he of the $6000 shower curtain, the Roman bacchanal, and mistaker of large corporations for very large piggy banks. Heck, even GE's ex-CEO and current business Golden Boy was known as "Neutron Jack" for his ability, like a neutron bomb, to kill all the people without touching the buildings.

No, we think John will fit right in, though he'll have to work a little on his non-existent smile. It's important in the Bush administration that you learn to smile - or in George's case smirk - when you talk to the, "peeble of this You-Nigh-Ted-States of Umerca". He'll also need to learn to toe the line, bite his large and active tongue, and support the Commander and Cowboy at all costs. That is the get out of jail free card he'll need to protect him when he blabs something he isn't supposed to. Not that an Ambassador to the United Nations, who has such a great regard for the organization, would ever do anything to jeopardize its mission. Just ask Karl, "I'm the Soul of Discretion" Rove.

So here's to John. May he learn to smile, buy good quality shoes for those doors he'll need to bang on, and continue to hone his fine managerial qualities. I hear there'll be some openings for talented ex-government servants at Halliburton in a few years and he looks like a very, VERY strong condidate.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, July 26, 2005

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