Why I Agree With George Bush on Iraq

As regular readers will attest, I'm not normally in the habit of supporting our good King George. I happen to believe that most of the things he does and stands for are about as abhorrent as they come and in most cases his feeble attempts at self-defense are like him calling the kettle...ah, well...a toaster. But when a man is right, he's right and in at least one instance I'm find myself in the distinctly uncomfortable position of having to support him.

Our man George has spent the better part of his administration either building up to or trying to defend his monumentally stupid decision to invade Iraq. I should say at the start that I believe the invasion itself was unparalleled in the annals of chuckleheaded moves. George the Younger should have listened to George the Elder's advice on invasions (at least as they relate to Iraq). If you recall, George the Elder stopped the run on Baghdad short of forcing the evil Saddamite from power for fear of setting the whole country ablaze in much the way it now burns. But kids are like that, you can never tell them anything. "George, don't touch the stove or you'll burn yourself." "OK Mommy. OOOOOOW! George got burnded!"

Now that Young George has royally burned himself (and us) on the proverbial hot stove, the US finds itself in a bit of a pickle...how do we clean this mess up without making the whole damned thing worse? And believe me, it can get worse, much worse. Think Somalia with oil reserves.

The mistake of the invasion is now long past and like many people who hose something up beyond belief, the Prince of all Putzes is actually advocating the best course of action to take from here. Suck it up, grit our teeth and dispose with this putrid, festering turd we call Iraq. We need to - you have no idea how distasteful this is-, "stay the course".

George is absolutely correct that we can't abandon the place now. Few places on Earth are as screwed up as Iraq and leaving will only make that worse. The place has become a prime terrorist breeding ground and is destined to get even worse without some strong intervention fast. If it dissolves into any more of an unstructured mess the People's Movement in Favor of Hamid of 1313 Infidel Way will be in hand-to-hand combat with The Religious Front for the Liberation of Achmed at 1314 Inifidel Way. The fact that Il Presidente led us into this quagmire doesn't change how screwed up it is now.

It's good to keep in mind that Saddam ruled with an iron fist not only because he was just a happy-go-lucky dictator. He did it because few people have been able to keep the peace in Iraq for the last 4000 years and if there is one thing you can't tolerate in a dictatorship it's having the junior dictators squabbling over the crumbs.

The United States - being the country that upset the apple cart with an ill-advised invasion in the first place - is also the only country with the strength and resources to help right that terrible wrong committed on the innocents in Iraq. My advice to George is to follow Colin Powell's example and say mea culpa about 6000 times, stop pussy-footing around and bring the violence to a halt. And get some help for chrissakes George, even if it means strong-arming the French and everyone else who is taking so much pleasure in your embarrassingly "I told you so but you wouldn't listen" position. It's time to forget how you botched this up and FIX IT!

And a little clue here George...no more gratuitous nonsense and empty rhetoric about bringing freedom to the oppressed masses or extolling the virtues of a government that couldn't agree on anything, including the chairs they should sit in. I think at this point the oppressed masses would prefer a little electricity, peace and quiet and the ability to sit on the front stoop and watch the kids play in a safe street without a suicide bomber ruining the party. You keep telling us what a swell leader you are, so LEAD!

Oh, and folks, forget this "set a timetable" stuff. George is - damn I hate saying this again - right. All that does is let the bad guys know how much longer they have to wait us out. Rather than producing something useful to help soothe American nerves it only compounds the problem. Besides, we all know how George does with schedules. A balanced budget by 2005. Hah! I laugh in your general direction.

So George, I may think you are lower than the gum on the bottom of my shoe, but somehow while thrashing around trying to save yourself you inadvertently stumbled over a good idea. Let's finish the war so we can bring the troops home and let the Iraqis rest in peace. We owe it to them as an apology for voting as big a buttmunch as you into office to begin with.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, July 14, 2005

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