10 Things That Piss Me Off
- People who park their shopping carts in the middle of the friggin' aisle and stand there as though they are the only person in the store. I mean, how much brain power can it take to find a can of tuna fish for Chrissakes?
- Cher, because she scares me. Meryl Streep because, well, she's Meryl Streep. Xuxa, the Brazilian Playboy model turned kid's show host because I just have this thing about kid's show hosts. They're just icky, OK.
- Stephen King. A casual correspondent once told me that I was her favorite writer after Stephen King. I may be a hack, but I was INSULTED! Stephen, it's about quality, not quantity.
- The fact that they don't offer cars with optional rocket launchers. We can get everything from mini-IMAX theatres to microwaves in a car yet they won't offer something as useful as rocket launchers. GM! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? TOYOTA? DON'T PISS ME OFF!
- Insurance companies. Oh sure, they're all nice and cuddly in the commercials but where the hell are they when something happens. It's the only business that I can think of that makes money by having you bet against yourself...think about it. It'll come to you.
- The Family Circus comic. No family could possibly be that dysfunction-free. That Billy is going to grow up to be a mass murdering flesh eater if you ask me. Really, have you ever noticed the similarity between Jeffrey Dahmer and that kid? It's uncanny.
- Pat Robertson. This is a guy who once claimed to pray that a hurricane veer away from his home office in Virginia. Of course, the folks in South Carolina and Florida didn't think that was such a swell talk with God.
- Dick Cheney, because people that evil should stay in Wyoming where they can't hurt anyone.
- Karl Rove because tattletales are just the worst.
- Cowboy George and the horse he rode in on because the horse is smarter and George has permanently ruined cowboy movies for me. Lone Ranger, where were you when we needed you?
Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, July 22, 2005