14 Things About the Poobah

1. We've visited Uruguay, Midway Island, and South Korea. In fact, we've visited 25 countries located on all the continents except Australia and Antarctica. All in all, many were quite nice, but many we'd be happy to never see again.
2. We were once a timpanist. It's a long story, but suffice it to say that we were not a popular kid in high school.
3. We have worked at many jobs including paperboy, soda fountain clerk, airplane mechanic, art director/production manager, writer, photographer, musician, focus group tester, amusement park ride builder, janitor, and several other jobs that for the sake of propriety we won't mention here. In the course of this extensive career we don't feel we've mastered any of these things, but have learned just enough to become dangerous.
4. We don't sleep much. On average we get about 5-6 hours of sleep per night/day which is up considerably from the 2-3 hours we got during our 20s. We once stayed awake for 75 hours straight and had trouble going to sleep when we finally laid down.
5. We lost our virginity at the age of 20. We weren't saving it for anyone in particular, we just couldn't find anyone to take it off our hands. What can we say? We grew up in a different time.
6. We've seen several celebrities, including Tony Dow, Jonathan Frakes, Clarence Clemmons, Pete Rose, Gordie Howe, and several local newscasters in airports or on airplanes. We think Clarence is quite the conversationalist.
7. We once found a snake in the process of eating a frog. The frog, legs kicking wildly, was halfway down when we found it. It's not a Crocodile Hunter-quality story, but then we were 10 years old at the time.
8. We once found a large tibia while beachcombing and convinced friends that it was human. It might actually have been for all we know.
9. We once kept our tonsils in a jar. They were discarded after about 20 years because the alcohol in the jar evaporated. Tonsils, ours anyway, look like soggy popcorn.
10. At various times when we were younger, we seriously toyed with the idea of becoming an oceanographer, a standup comedian, a stuntman, a war correspondent, and a chef. We think it is telling that we never became any of those things, but did manage to do the things listed in item number 3.
11. Our grandmother, mother, and sister were all schizophrenics and they are probably just the ones we know about. We are from a demonstrably shallow gene pool and we think it shows.
12. We saw the last steam train service depart the station from the shoulders of Poobah Sr. We think this makes us sound older than we actually are, but it shows just how interesting our life has been.
13. We have owned four dogs - King Domino I (a Boston Terrier), Roscoe P. Beagle (a hound of uncertain origin who went blind suddenly during an afternoon nap), Gandalf's Heartbreak (aka Chrisse Q. Retriever, a Golden Retriever), and Fiona (no last name because she doesn't seem to need one, she is a Shar Pei/Yellow Lab mix that we call a Sharbrador). All of the dogs provided more enjoyment and companionship than any 50 humans put together. Our life would have been a much gloomier place without them.
14. We don't much care for cats. We had one as a child that attacked us at will and as a result, we bought a copy of 101 Uses for a Dead Cat. That pretty much sums it up on the cat front.

We hope you've found every one of these absolutely true facts interesting and enlightening. If you have any further questions, we'll be happy to answer them. And please, feel free to tell these at the local pub. We're sure it will make you a favorite among the hardcore barflies.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Friday, July 29, 2005