Apparently 100 Things Lists are Required by Blogging Law

1. We were born in Elkins, WV. Unlike Jesus, we were not omnipotent at the time. That came later, only after much spiritual growth.
2. On our Air Force dog tags we had "Granatellism" listed as our official religion. Granitellism was founded in 1973 and is the belief that anyone who can hold a screwdriver dipped in motor oil must be a god.
3. We have worked as an amusement park ride assembler, caterer, newspaper reporter, photographer, magazine art director, airplane mechanic, air traffic controller, technical writer, PR flack and Web designer.
4. We do not have a college degree, but do have more than enough hours for one.
5. We have been skydiving six times. None of that sissy tandem jumping for us. Our training was provided by jumping from a picnic table. Our first jump was solo.
6. We have been to every continent on Earth, except Australia and Antarctica.
7. We've been to every US state and all of the Canada Provinces except Nunavut and the Yukon.
8. We once had tea with Princess Anne of Britain.
9. We can make a sound identical to the one that squirrels make. We have never met anyone else who could duplicate it.
10. We broke our hand at the age of 14, oddly enough, while running. Don't ask.
11. We were once on an airplane that passed so close to another, that we could see the people in the windows. At night.
12. We've never had a cavity.
13. The dental hygienist once laughed at us for asking how you can tell when someone does have a cavity.
14. Our grandmother, mother and sister were all schizophrenics. We also had an odd uncle who probably was too, but the relatives chalked it up to his experiences in WWII. We clearly relish swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
15. We have not spoken to our sister in more than 20 years.
16. Our nephew is in prison.
17. We and Mrs. Poobah have a stunningly smart, creative and beautiful daughter of 16. Clearly a milkman was involved.
18. We were present when the last passenger steam train in the US pulled into the station.
19. We remember when electricity finally arrived at our Grandparent's house. An indoor toilet, bathtub, running water or heating source other than a pot-bellied stove never did arrive.
20. Our Grandfather worked on a Railway Post Office car that is now located in the California State Railroad Museum.
21. We have not seen any of our cousins since 1971.
22. We once met and photographed Linda Ronstadt. She was not pudgy at the time.
23. We used to routinely run into Pete Rose and his wife in the Cincinnati airport. He always wore suits made out of some God-awful shiny material and his wife always wore something in leopard skin.
24. We surfed as a youngster.
25. We've never seen a baseball game from beginning to end.
26. We were the exact median student, alphabetically and by grade, in our high school graduating class.
27. We once interviewed Daniel Ellsberg.
28. We once wrote a music column under the nom de plum, His Master's Voice. We didn't pick that name, so don't blame us.
29. Jimmy Buffet once attended a party at our house when we were in college. He didn't stay long and wasn't very famous at the time..
30. We went to the 100th running of the Kentucky Derby.
31. We won a bet on Secretariat via a betting slip we found on the ground.
32. Our father was born in Great Falls, MT. He was once punished as a child for trying to ride his bicycle to Canada to join the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
33. We were a drummer in high school. We played timpani in the symphony and bass drum in the marching band. We were elected to the All City orchestra as a timpanist.
34. We were not popular in high school.
35. We decided that we wanted to be a writer in third grade when the teacher unexpectedly used a short story we had written as a class example. The story was about a trip to Mars.
36. We have hiked a 100-mile long section of the Appalachian Trail within Shenandoah National Park. We got a raging case of Achilles tendinitis along the way.
37. We are distantly related to William Wallace of Braveheart fame. When she found out, our then-young daughter kept thinking she was related to Mel Gibson.
38. We are also distantly related to Daniel Boone, apparently along with about 130 million other Americans.
39. We took our first airplane ride at 16.
40. As a child,we had almost all the popular childhood diseases including mumps, measles, chicken pox, whooping cough, tonsillitis and a wide array of ear infections and other viral and bacteriological problems.
41. We did not learn to ride a bicycle until the age of 12. We taught ourselves without benefit of training wheels...on a full sized bike...out of site of the other kids. It was a hard way to learn.
42. My first memory is of my sister stealing my piggy bank. See Number 15.
43. We once bumped into Gordie Howe in the Montreal airport. His only luggage was a stick bag.
44. In college, we once auditioned to host a radio show. We didn't get the job.
45. Also in college, we chose to live in a stairwell rather than take a room. Really, the stairwell was quite roomy and nice.
46. We once a had a camera smashed during a school busing protest. It was smashed by the Kentucky State Police. We were not reimbursed.
47. We were once tangentially involved in the manhunt for Kathleen Soliah (then Sarah Jane Olsen).
48. We cried when the family refrigerator was traded in for a new one when we were seven years old.
49. We collect flags. The name for that hobby is vexillology. Are we a geek or not?
50. We made our first cross country trip at the age of eight months in a laundry basket lying at the feet of our mother. We don't remember the trip.
51. Our first vehicle was a 1956 Ford pickup truck with a homemade bed. It was formerly a repair truck for the Bell Telephone Company.
52. We have been present several times when a chicken's head was cut off. Let us assure you they DO run around like, well, a chicken with their head cut off. They were also quite tasty.
53. We have seen many roadside attractions, including Paul Bunyan and his blue ox Babe (Minnesota version), the world's largest buffalo, the world's largest penny and nickel and the Corn Palace.
54. There are only two foods that we will not eat - calf liver and rutabaga. To prove this, we have eaten grubs, snake, money brain, lizard and many other exotic delicacies.
55. To us, the world is just a big grocery store.
56. We once scooped the New York Times by writing a story about an assassination attempt of former Israeli Prime Minister Moshe Dyan.
57. We kept our tonsils in a jar from the age of 16 until the age of 26. The alcohol in the jar finally dried up. Removed tonsils look exactly like wet popcorn.
58. We only have top wisdom teeth, none on the bottom. Both of them still reside cosily in our mouth despite the fact that dentists have been telling us for 30 years that they will, "start giving you trouble anytime now".
59. The first computer we ever worked on was a typesetter that read data from a paper tape.
60. We know how to operate a Linotype machine.
61. We have participated in several humanitarian aid events including the largest rash of tornadoes ever to strike the US, cholera outbreaks, earthquakes and hurricanes. We've seen a lot of smashed houses.
62. Our middle name is David. We always avoid telling people what it is...oh shit!
63. We took Spanish in high school. We sucked at it.
64. We once saw a person fall out of an airplane. They were wearing a parachute at the time. It didn't work.
65. We once rode to elementary school in an Army amphibious vehicle after a hurricane. It was cool.
66. We were once invited to join a band with the name, "Chuck Roast and the Potatoes". We turned down the offer.
67. It was below freezing and raining during our only trips to Disneyworld and Disneyland.
68. We once rode a roller coaster that was later demolished for the film, Death of Ocean View Park.
69. In college, we lived for several years in a house called Bijou Manor. It was lovely.
70. We know several people who have written books.
71. Our father has a blood type so rare (B-, 2% of the population) that he used to be frequently summoned, along with a prisoner at the local jail, to give blood in emergencies. Our omnipotent blood type (B+) is also relatively rare, only occurring in 9% of the population.
72. Our favorite animal is a tapir. There is no particular reason.
73. Although we will eat it, we're not particularly fond of edamame.
74. We are amazed that airplane fly, despite the fact that we used to repair them.
75. We are so calm on roller coasters that we are able to hold a normal conversation during the ride. Mrs. Poobah is annoyed by this.
76. Even though most people can't, we're able to turn down chocolate, or all sweets for that matter. Mrs. Poobah is even more annoyed by this.
77. We once almost fell out of the back of an airplane while it was in flight. The pucker factor was quite high at the time.
78. We were picked on as a kid. Quite a lot actually. We hold no hostile feelings against our tormentors today. Well, that last part is kind of a lie. Crapweasels.
79. We own a dog that is part Sharpei, part yellow Labrador. We call her a Sharbrador. She's quite an odd looking dog.
80. We have ridden on an airplane carrying the Presidential limo three times. This is the closest we've ever come to meeting a president. It is also the closest we've ever wanted to come to meeting a president. Presidents are generally crapweasels, but they get to ride in bitchin' cars.
81. We once fell out of a boat going 40 mph. It had swerved suddenly to avoid a dog swimming in the middle of a lake. We survived unhurt, as did the dog. No, we don't know where the hell the dog came from, but we rescued it anyway.
82. The secret to my really great scrambled eggs is a dash of red wine. They look funny, but taste delicious.
83. We once drank in an English pub named The Barking Smack. To this day, we've never met anyone who could explain the name to us.
84. We once rode in an ancient roller coaster that had a manually operated brake - consisting of a huge lever and a relatively smallish operator - located in the middle of the first car. It was exciting, especially on the turns.
85. Our daughter once punched us in the nose after we ducked her head underwater when she was learning to swim at the age of two. She apparently made no allowance for the fact that the instructor had told us to do this.
86. We grew up in Hampton Roads, VA. The only lasting effects of this upbringing are a lasting hate for Pat Robertson and humidity.
87. We attended a winter driving school in Thule, Greenland. It was early September when we took the class.
88. The coldest temperature we have ever experienced was -43 (F). Our nose kept freezing shut, but otherwise, it wasn't bad at all.
89. Our coat once exploded. Yes, this is a true statement. You'll just have to wait until we're ready to blog about it to learn the rest of the story.
90. There are many things we know how to do adequately, far more than the number we do really well.
91. Our first grey hair appeared in a small patch on the side of our head when we were eight years old.
92. We used to list undertaker when filling our school forms asking what we would like to do when we grew up. The high school guidance counselor never did agree to discuss this choice with us.
93. Our high school band director, Mr. Cole, was a moron who once made us wear Mickey Mouse ears made from black socks and bent clothes hangers on our huge white hats during a halftime show. We quite obviously suffered severe emotional scaring from this unfortunate event.
94. We had two big high school crushes - both involving girls with the same first and last names. Both rejected our advances, only heightening our desire for them.
95. We once talked our sister out of suicide by telling her to, "Just go ahead and do it then." Though it sounds harsh, it worked. Go figure.
96. We were once "scanned" by a bright light at a remote campsite in the West Virginia mountains. Again, you'll have to wait until we're ready to blog about it to hear the entire story.
97. It takes us, on average, 45 minutes to write our typical blog posting. Yes, that is fast.
98. We don't own any comic books that would be worth a fortune if we still had them today. They were all crap when we still had them. Come on, Little Lulu? Please.
99. We have an uncanny ability to navigate without maps. We once drove halfway across the country without consulting one.
100. Writing this blog entry was a chore, because we are not that interesting.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, November 05, 2005