Dems Force Senate Shutdown - Democracy in the Balance

Washington - Democratic Senate Leader, Harry Reid (D-Sin City, NV), grew a backbone earlier today by shutting down the Senate to force Republicans to come to grips with their unfulfilled promises to thoroughly investigate the mishandling of the intelligence leading up to Gulf War II.

Republican Senate Leader, Bill Frist (R-Shitheels, TN), responded with this charge, "This is a stunning, cunning stunt to turn public attention away from real issues like tax breaks for the wealthy. It's just a happy coincidence that it also deflects attention from the charges of insider trading against me." Asked whether he thought the move would also deflect attention away from the investigation of former Republican House Leader Tom Delay's (R-Shit Creek, TX) money laundering trial, Frist replied, "You'd have to ask Tom, but I assume so. By they way, is there a woman in a persistent vegetative state that I might diagnose via television nearby?"

Former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-Ravaged Porch, MS) said Reid was making "some sort of stink about Scooter Libby and the CIA leak." He continued, "I'm not sure what the actual aroma is, but I think it favors magnolia blossoms on a warm southern night. Why I remember when Strom and I used to sit on the porch at my old, house and sing neegra spurtials in the moonlight."

While holding a press conference about the "Evian" flu pandemic, President Bush was asked for his position on the shutdown. "Bah! Buncha damn nonsense I think. Nothin but a buncha background noise! Turd Blossom, you gonna eat that last bagel on the snack tray? Yer gittin kinda fat. Ya need to cut down on the car-bow-high-drates."

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, November 01, 2005

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