The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: A Little Advice for George

A Little Advice for George

Mr. Bush spoke last Wednesday, but no one listened. Polls show his speech didn't change anyone's mind about his "plan" for Iraq and no wonder. It contained not a single idea that hasn't already been tried, even as he decried his lack of progress as "unacceptable". I'm not sure if he's delusional enough to think that it would change anyone's mind, but after his weakly radio address, it sure looks that way.

Mr. Pot, Meet Mr. Kettle

It seems the Crybaby-in-Chief is in a snit because no one else has offered up a different war plan. With his tit caught in the wringer, he's bawling that anyone who is against his plan without offering an alternative is "irresponsible".

Well, boo-frickin'-hoo!

He may think his 21,500-man charge of the light brigade is responsible - but if it is, it's responsible in the same way that a drunk lets a six-year old drive him home from the bar because he's had too much to drink. As he's demonstrated numerous times before, reality is a concept he has absolutely no acquaintance with and this is no exception.

No Lack of Proposals

George, people have given you alternatives - dozens of them. The problem is, you were too much of a moron to consider them.

Before the troops even reached Baghdad, you were advised to send more to get Iraq under control. You said your Generals never asked for any additional troops and we were just around the corner from a glorious victory.

When the Iraqis didn't turn away from centuries of sectarian hatred and act peacefully, many suggested a deadline to give them an incentive to step up to the task. Your response was that timetables emboldened the terrorists and you'd brook no discussion otherwise.

Next, numerous politicians and experts proposed withdrawing troops on some unspecified timetable so that everyone - Americans and Iraqis alike - understood the stakes. Your response, "Nope. Not gonna go there. We're winnin'! Trust me."

Then, you poo-pooed the idea of withdrawing the troops into a neighboring country where they would be out of the crossfire, but could rapidly deploy. Again with the, "Nope. Not gonna go there. We're winnin' I'm tellin' ya!"

As Iraq descended into civil war, you spent all your time trying to redefine "civil war" as something less embarrassing than the all-too-real events on the ground. Clearly, you needed some more intensive help.

Enter Daddy Warbucks with his wise men of the Iraq Study Group (ISG) to bail your lame ass out. You couldn't even wait for their report before childishly sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting "naa...naa...naa, I can't hear you!"

You ignored the ISG and put your eggs in the basket of a panel you handpicked yourself. Your response? Extend your decision-making deadline before rejecting their suggestions and redeploying any General who disagreed. Hell, you even threw your BFF Rummy under the train just to make it look good.

Snatching Defeat From the Jaws of Victory

So now you've made your pitiful speech. You've managed to piss off our allies (even Tony Blair knows when to get the hell out of Dodge). You've rejiggered the Pentagon brass in a sort of reverse coup to seize power from those with functioning brains. You've managed to antagonize Congress in spectacularly bipartisan fashion. Even your friends are running, not walking, away from the sinking ship that is the USS Dubya.

Finally, you managed to piss off the people of this country in a way that hasn't been seen in recent memory. Two thirds of them think you are as mad as a hatter, utterly disdainful of them and their wishes, and a danger to society. Your answer? "They could try to stop me from doing it, but, uh, I've made my decision and we're going forward."

A Gentle Suggestion

George, I like to think that I have a good grasp of reality, so I'm under no illusion that you'll listen to me after dismissing so many others, but I do have a proposal for a better plan - a much better plan in fact. It's breathtakingly simple in its elegance. This is it:

Resign.