The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: I'm Only Doing It Because She Says She Loves Me

I'm Only Doing It Because She Says She Loves Me

Memes. They are the scourge of the Earth. As the proud founder of the Anti-Tagging League I shouldn't be doing this, but El said she loves me, despite the fact I'm an evil member of the patriarchy.

Yeah, I know. She's a lesbian and all, but love...that doesn't come along every day.

So El, this one's for you:

Why do you blog?

Because I can.

How long have you been blogging?

I've been blogging since long before there was a sun, and moon, and stars. It all began in the farthest corner of the universe with a little pop. Sure, they tell you it was a really BIG BANG, but it was just a little pop. It was the sound of a modest little blog being born. This blog in fact.

And since we are a major diety and believe in creationism, all of this happened on Friday, June 10, 2005. Refute that you filthy Darwinistas!

Self portrait?

I'm, you know, all omnipotent and shit.

Come on! You know the drill. I created this and I created that, blah...blah...blah. Must I go through this all the time?!

I'm wound a little tight for an omnipotent being if you must know.

Why do readers read your blog?

Probably because they are afflicted with a bad case of worms mining their way through the inner reaches of their brains - deep into the part of the cerebral cortex that governs the urge to read.

Or, they're bored. You'd have to ask them. Does anyone want to pipe up here?

I don't know why you guys do it, but now that El brought it up, I won't sleep until I do know. TELL ME!

What was the last search phrase someone used to get to your blog?

Probably something lame and boring, I don't recall. However, all my visitors from the Middle East - all of them, really - search on some variant of sex.

But, since you expressed some interest in this topic and I've been dying to tell people what they are, here are some of the odder ones (and yes, these are all real):

accordion blog
albinos offended by the davinci code
bible dead me tell no tales
bread baby i'm a want you excellent
densest material ever
drinking beer past expiration date
eating a boar hog
From the Desk of Patrick J. Fitzgerald
god apologizes for pat robertson
how to sneak weed into the airplane
how to store corn for stove
money speaks, god is silent
nukes for mangoes
odells hair trainer (Inexplicably, this is by far, the favorite one other than variations on my name)
outsized dick
SEX OF ABBA (from a Yemeni as I recall)
tethered presidency
the new men's loo at the sofitel in queenstown nz
The Toothpaste Conspiracy
what day did ken lay die
And my personal favorite...zeppelin of the neoconservative

Which of your entries usually gets too little attention?

People always hang on my every word. In fact, they are so enamored of my writings that I must physically visit them to pry their eyes away from the keyboard.

Too little attention? PPFFFT! I fart in your general direction!

Your current favorite blog?

Unlike when I was a high-schooler, the ladies seem to like this blog. Strangely, many of them are lesbians. I don't know if this says more about them or about me. I actually read each and every blog on my blog roll every day and can honestly say there isn't a clinker in the bunch.

That's called "diplomacy-speak". I could teach Condi a thing or two.

Which blog did you read most recently?

El's My Amusement Park holds the most recent title because I must read her blog to see these questions. I may be omnipotent, but I can't be two places at once. Just call that little inadequacy my kryptonite.

(Pssst. I think this was really a ruse on El's part to drive traffic to her "amusement park". Shhhh! Quiet! Here she comes! Don't tell her.)

Which feeds to you subscribe to?

None.

I think the Bush administration is trying to take over my mind through feeds (but, I feel safe for now...they aren't smart enough to click buttons yet, though they are working out a deal with some Iraqi WMD guys to acquire the technology).

What blogs are you tagging with this meme and why?

I wouldn't tag my worst enemy.

Wait! Yes I would: Whitehouse.gov, Bill O'Reilly, and Pat Robertson.

Take that you bastards!