Rumsfeld: Cynical and Morally Confused

"My ass is caught in a crack, so let the vilification begin!" I could have sworn I heard the statement being whispered in the background during the Decider-in-Chief's recent interview. But even if I only imagined it, I hear the manifestation of it loud and clear in the latest words and deeds of Team Bush.

Secretary of Asshatery, Rummy D. Dumby, fired the first volley on Tuesday when he compared people having an honest disagreement with the administration's policies to Nazi appeasers. His History According to Rummy posited that those who disagree with the administration's policies are no more than "blame America firsters" who hate their country. The implication that anyone who dare brook the idea that perhaps the best thing to do in Iraq is to leave was clear. His suggestion that there is a "certain amount of cynicism and moral confusion" similar to the 1930s in today's debate is well taken though.

I agree there is a "certain amount of cynicism and moral confusion" in our great country, but I think if Mr. Rumsfeld looked in a mirror - and providing the mirror didn't crack from his ghastly visage - he would see that "cynicism and moral confusion" staring back at him wearing a pair of Ben Franklin bifocals.

It seems to me the greater cynic is the one who continues to make happy talk about a patently obvious military fiasco in attempt to win the hearts and minds of a populace long ago soured on it. I think a man who continues to send thousands to their death while lecturing them on going to war "with the army you have, instead of the army you might like" is on about as solid a moral footing as a child-abusing priest.

But aside from those historical precedents, I have another - Pearl Harbor.

Many in this administration, from El Jefe down, have accused those not supporting the war as being gutless cowards with no stomach for fighting a war. They lament the fact that people are appalled by casualties and are agitating for his bicycle-toned Crawford ass on a platter. But they conveniently forget that if moral clarity is present, Americans are more than willing to go to war.

When Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, Americans became a single body fighting a war with solid moral underpinnings with all the awesome power the country could muster. When the Twin Towers were attacked and the terrorists who supported it hid in Afghanistan, Americans again banded together and went to war, even many who personally found the Shrub an odious little Warren G. Harding.

But before the job was done in Afghanistan, the Chickenhawk-in-Chief decided to charge forward on the back of his great steed Cheney. He swung his sword high over his head and yelled to the Americans, "Onward, onward into the valley of death! We must crush Saddam!"

And a good percentage of people said, "huh?"

They asked, "What about Afghanistan and Osama bin Laden?" "I don't even think about him no more," the Commander said.

"What did they do to us," they asked? "Nothin' yet, but they gots them WMDs," the Commander said.

"Are you sure," the Americans asked? "Slam dunk," he said.

"Do you have a plan to win," the Americans asked hopefully. "Yup, they's gonna throw flowers at our feet," the Commander said.

"Um, why don't we enlist the help of our allies? Surely they will see the validity of our cause and help us," "Nope. Don't need 'em. They're a bunch of pansies anyway. Strictly old Europeans..except those Poles. I love a good polka," he said.

And so America charged on, leaving a good piece of the American populace behind with legitimate and unanswered questions and taking with them people who believed what they were told because the Commander "seemed like such a nice Christian man".

We went to war and the Commander and his generals began to lose each battle. When someone asked what happened, they told happy stories about all the corners turned and the successes blooming out of the scorched earth. "Why dontcha write more about all them candy bars we hand out to the refugees? People would be for the war if they knew that."

When the people asked again about the war, the Commander got more than a little testy and said, "Trust me, this thing'll turn around any minute." When things dragged on several more years, the Commander and his generals were pretty damn snippy when asked again. "You impertinent gutless, swine! How dare you question the Decider-in-Chief?! Rummy, tell them what Nazi sympathizers they are!"

And Rummy did, just last Tuesday.

I though the speech was vintage Rummy, very cynical and morally confused.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Thursday, August 31, 2006