The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: The Morals of Morale

The Morals of Morale

Last week, my nephew called home from Iraq with some truly amazing news! With one day left in his year-long deployment, he was one of the lucky 3500 soldiers being redeployed for an additional 4-6 month vacation in Baghdad. Apparently, Baghdadis are so overjoyed with the fruits of liberation and democracy they need more liberators to throw flowers and platitudes to. Since his morale is as good as the administration claims, he was just tickled olive drab to tell his young wife of a year and a half, "Honey, don't hold dinner. I'll be working late at the war this year."

His mother and aunt were slightly less enthusiastic. I believe their response was, "Bring me the balls of George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld on a platter! NOW!" I guess waiting another 4-6 months to taste Crawford Oysters didn't work out so well for them.

There's never a shortage of happy talk from the administration about how swimmingly we're doing over there. By God, we're turning the corner to victory every other day and important milestones come so furiously Tony Snow can barely catch his breath between announcements. Hell, things are going so well the Fisherman-in-Chief hasn't been on a vacation to Crawford since came home to such tremendous accolades after Katrina.

Moves like this are apparently what allows the administration to seize the high ground when it comes to what is and isn't damaging the troops morale.

Criticize the war? "Heck far m'am. Yer jes a'damagin' them troop's morale. God'll get fer that, shore 'nuff," El Jefe confidently scolds.

Having trouble with Iran, North Korea, Syria, Lebanon, et al? "Hell, them boys'll do anything I want 'em too. Don't lissen to them G'nrals. They don't know nothin' 'bout no war-makin'. Ah know, 'cause I wuz in the National Guard. Well, at least part ah the time anyways."

The economy going south from all the unrestricted spending? "Them boys is real proud tah die fer lower taxes. Them tax cuts is the reason their morale is so high and we's winnin' tha war on terrer. Damn good for Haliburton too."

It seems no matter what the occasion, the answer is the same. Troops solve all. They can fight for unlimited periods in numerous engagements, with sub-standard equipment and their morale will remain high, regardless of the cost. The problem is also always the same. Disagree with El Jefe and the morale of the troops will reduce them to a mob of crying babies unable to carry the fight to enemies we've made.

I guess I'm just a little slow because my morale? It's not so high right now.