What I Did on My Summer Vacation

• Stepping from the cool airplane into the Virginia heat is like stepping from cold storage into warm oatmeal - except not as messy.


• Seeing family you've not seen in awhile is always a bit of a shock. Omni-Dad now uses a cane and has lost quite a bit of weight, but the bright red suspenders holding up his shorts along with the ever-present, ill-fitting cap still look familiar.


• Places where you grew up always seem so much smaller when you return.


• One must remember when one is in a Red State - even when your family is bright Blue. Hillarity and high jinks will not ensue.


• It's hard visiting a place where Pat Robertson is in the daily news.


• It's even harder to drive by his mammoth CBN/Regent University complex.


• At least the local gay rights organization adopted the highway out front of the place. God apparently loves the litterers, but hates the litter.


• A walk deep into the woods to watch the turtles and frogs amongst the cypress knees and Spanish Moss is quite refreshing - even if the air does feel like warm oatmeal and the water looks like chocolate stout.


• Watching a drawbridge over the Intracoastal Waterway go up to allow boats to sail into a lock is a good way to kill the afternoon.


• Watch out for the goose poop and chewing gum though. Neither goes well on your shoes.


• Sometimes the depression sneaks in the back door, even when it's highly inappropriate. It is how it is. It's a conversation killer, but I learn to live with it.


• Reading is a highly entertaining pastime. I wonder why I don't do it more often?


• Because I blog, that's why.


• There are two types of tea in the south. Always specify which you prefer. Your ill-prepared mouth will appreciate the favor.


• Soft-shelled crabs are as delicious as I remember. It amazing what you can do with a chicken neck, a dip-net, and a bit of string.


• Air travel used to be something special. People even used to dress up for it. Now it's reduced to a deregulated death march with a prettier view out the window.


• An Amanda Bynes movie is inappropriate for an airline film. Why? Have you seen an Amanda Bynes movie?


• A flight that's 14 hours longer than it's supposed to be is a pox upon us all. So are overstuffed overhead bins, surly businessmen, and screeching babies. I could go on, but I won't.


• You could randomly throw a baseball in the Salt Lake City airport and hit a Mormon. However, it's harder than you might think. They don't wear white shirts, skinny black ties, and dorky bike helmets in their native habitat.


• Drives home from the airport after a week away always feel like you're in a new, but strangely familiar city. I call it "deja-view".


• Springing the dog from the kennel is always the best part of the trip. Even if they do shed all over the car.


• Picking up all the unpacked crap after the trip is the worst part. Really.

The Poobah also appears at Bring it On!

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, August 01, 2006