What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Because "inquiring minds want to know", here are some observations from my trip to visit Omni-Dad in Virginia:
  • Stepping from the cool airplane into the Virginia heat is like stepping from cold storage into warm oatmeal - except not as messy.

  • Seeing family you've not seen in awhile is always a bit of a shock. Omni-Dad now uses a cane and has lost quite a bit of weight, but the bright red suspenders holding up his shorts along with the ever-present, ill-fitting cap still look familiar.

  • Places where you grew up always seem so much smaller when you return.

  • One must remember when one is in a Red State - even when your family is bright Blue. Hillarity and high jinks will not ensue.

  • It's hard visiting a place where Pat Robertson is in the daily news.

  • It's even harder to drive by his mammoth CBN/Regent University complex.

  • At least the local gay rights organization adopted the highway out front of the place. God apparently loves the litterers, but hates the litter.

  • A walk deep into the woods to watch the turtles and frogs amongst the cypress knees and Spanish Moss is quite refreshing - even if the air does feel like warm oatmeal and the water looks like chocolate stout.

  • Watching a drawbridge over the Intracoastal Waterway go up to allow boats to sail into a lock is a good way to kill the afternoon.

  • Watch out for the goose poop and chewing gum though. Neither goes well on your shoes.

  • Sometimes the depression sneaks in the back door, even when it's highly inappropriate. It is how it is. It's a conversation killer, but I learn to live with it.

  • Reading is a highly entertaining pastime. I wonder why I don't do it more often?

  • Because I blog, that's why.

  • There are two types of tea in the south. Always specify which you prefer. Your ill-prepared mouth will appreciate the favor.

  • Soft-shelled crabs are as delicious as I remember. It amazing what you can do with a chicken neck, a dip-net, and a bit of string.

  • Air travel used to be something special. People even used to dress up for it. Now it's reduced to a deregulated death march with a prettier view out the window.

  • An Amanda Bynes movie is inappropriate for an airline film. Why? Have you seen an Amanda Bynes movie?

  • A flight that's 14 hours longer than it's supposed to be is a pox upon us all. So are overstuffed overhead bins, surly businessmen, and screeching babies. I could go on, but I won't.

  • You could randomly throw a baseball in the Salt Lake City airport and hit a Mormon. However, it's harder than you might think. They don't wear white shirts, skinny black ties, and dorky bike helmets in their native habitat.

  • Drives home from the airport after a week away always feel like you're in a new, but strangely familiar city. I call it "deja-view".

  • Springing the dog from the kennel is always the best part of the trip. Even if they do shed all over the car.

  • Picking up all the unpacked crap after the trip is the worst part. Really.
And that's what I did on my summer vacation.

Bring it On!

The Poobah also appears at Bring it On!

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Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, August 01, 2006

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