The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: Angelina's Butt Crack and Other Important Events

Angelina's Butt Crack and Other Important Events

Our attention span, usually shorter than a gnat's, is sub-gnat today. We can't think of anything to blog about, but feel compelled - like a zombie in a 1950s B-Movie - to move ahead. Not exactly a Thriller, but here goes:

The First Annual George Orwell Award Goes to Alberto Gonzales - They twist, they turn, they obfuscate, and yet somehow...they become entangled in their own ineptitude. We can't find words for this, so just read the original.

And We Bet He's Republican Too - Sometimes rogue CIA dudes steal secrets. Sometimes they break into foreign embassies and make off with the fine china. Sometimes they give exploding cigars to poor old Uncle Fidel. Now they just steal panties. My how the powerful have fallen.

We Guess It Depends on Who's Drawing the Cartoon - In a clever plan to confuse their infidel enemies, a Muslim businessman is striking back at that hotbed of anti-Islamic sentiment...er, Denmark?...by launching cartoon superheros of the Muslim persuasion. Perhaps this is the first venture-capital step toward starting an Islamo-Cartoon Channel for that humor-deprived part of the world.

See, We Told You Anti-Environmental Policies Don't Mean Nothin' - Bush environmental protectors must be chortling in glee at the discovery in Indonesia of a number of new and rare plant and animal species. We're sure the Chimp's (unfortunately NOT an endangered species) speech writers are penning a doozy on how mining, logging, rape, and pillaging of the environment have absolutely no impact on the global ecosystem.

"See, we got i-ron clad, sign-tific proof," he'll say. We found us some ah them tree kangaroos in In-do-knee-shimacallit. Damn tasty too. That what I always git at Outback. Besides, I hear they piss ol and that might be a way to become less dependent on ferign ol. Ya know, oncet we take over that Indoplace mind ya."

Fer Chrissakes, She's Not a Plumber - Controversy about Angelina Jolie's butt crack? What's up with that, were her naked boobs blocking the view?

An Army of Mom - As a veteran, once of the things we took away from our experience is that the military - an organization full of young, impressionable kids - is fully willing to put on the Mommy pants if need be. The Army Chaplaincy is teaching a course on...wait for it...how not to marry a jerk. Combined with their recent "teach Army families how to laugh" initiative we're sure recruiting will skyrocket - as long as that pesky dying thing doesn't get in the way.

Darwinism or Intelligent Design...You Decide - In a stunning affirmation that Darwinism is alive and well in the Senate, the WaPo revealed today that newly-minted Senate Majority Leader John A. Boehner is, "renting his Capitol Hill apartment from a veteran lobbyist whose clients have direct stakes in legislation Boehner has co-written and that he has overseen as chairman of the Education and the Workforce Committee. Can you say Randy Cunnngham?

I Hate It When That Happens - Never take a pee on a moving bus is one rule we've always adhered to. Perhaps others should take note as well.

Hey, This Story Sounds Familiar - Iran...Iraq...they're only one letter apart so it's easy to get confused when collecting information on WMD. Have we heard this story before?