An E-Mail From Uncle Sam

We've been hearing that Army recruiting levels are really down because of the war in Iraq - or the Unfortunate Misunderstanding With Terrorists in a Budding Iraqi Democracy - or whatever else it's been dubbed this week. But as with most tragedies, there's always a little sliver of humor that manages to peek out.

We received the following e-mail from our friendly neighborhood Army recruiter the other day (names have been changed to protect the guilty):

From: Recruiter, Walter A SSG USAREC
Sent: Thursday, February 02, 2006 7:37 PM
Subject: RE: Two Jobs that you might be interested in

Job code (46R)
Broadcast Journalist

Broadcast television and radio programs are an important source of general information about people and events in the Army. Army Broadcast Journalists are involved in creating, filming, reporting, hosting and editing news and entertainment radio and television programs.

Broadcast Journalists are primarily responsible for participating in and supervising the operation of radio or television broadcast teams or Armed Forces Radio Television Service (AFRTS). Some of your duties as a Broadcast Journalist may include:
  • Preparing scripts and news copy for live and taped news and entertainment programs Researching, preparing, and disseminating news releases, radio and television products and Web-based products
  • Performing as a radio DJ or television anchor
  • Developing ideas for stories, conducting interviews and shooting video Working with the civilian media as an escort, liaison or spokesperson

Job Code (25S)
Satellite Communication Systems Operator/Maintainer

With communication being such an integral and critical part of the Army, the Satellite Communication Systems Operator/Maintainers are responsible for making sure that the lines of communication are always up and running. They install, operate, maintain and repair strategic and tactical multichannel satellite communications.

Here are some of the duties of a Satellite Communication Systems Operator/Maintainer:
  • Transmit, receive and log messages according to military procedures
  • Encode and decode classified messages
  • Operate different types of telephone switchboards
  • Install, maintain and operate communications equipment
  • Monitor and respond to emergency call

If either of these Jobs sounds interesting please call

Staff Sergeant Walter Recruiter

To which we replied:

Sgt. Recruiter,

Thanks for the offer, but I'm 50 years old, overweight, diabetic, and have had heart surgery. Unless you guys have really lowered your standards, I'll bet I'm not qualified.

Nice of you to ask though.

Sgt. Recruiter apparently has a career in selling used cars when he gets out of the Army. Here's his reply:

You just missed the cut off age, but it recently went up from 35 to 40 years old, we are offering a $40,000 bonus (if you qualify and enlist in a designated skill). I'm currently 31 yrs old, and I have a 336 cholesterol level, I have arthritis in my feet and fingers and my wife and I just had a baby girl, so I decided to start looking after my health a little more. Well, I wish you the best of luck and if you know anyone who wants to jump start their career please give them my number. Staff Sergeant Walter Recruiter

And Sarge, we wish you well too.

Poobah's Note: We should point out to our new visitors that we don't support this war, but we also don't have an objection to the government recruiting. This is known as supporting the troops but not supporting the war. If you can't understand this concept, please take your tirades elsewhere.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, February 04, 2006

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