The Poobah Files: Come Streak With Me

Amongst the odd bits of family history the Omnipotent Dad has been passing along is a scrapbook filled with letters to the editor and clippings that relate to someone in the family. The following clip is one I wrote for my college newspaper, The Kentucky Kernel, at the University of Kentucky. It was my modest attempt to import the then-popular student fad of the day, streaking.

UK: Best of the Barest?

March 4, 1974 - The perfect campus sport is elusive. The more research one does, the more difficult it is to find a single sport in which everyone can participate.

Some of the moldy oldies rule out certain people. For instance, goldfish swallowing rules out all those with weak stomachs and vegetarians - although the local pet shop owners would presumably be for the idea. Phone booth stuffing would eliminate all people with claustrophobia and those who are overweight. Besides, GTE booths are notoriously uncomfortable. We could try having campus demonstrations again, but there don't seem to be many stray wars to get involved in. (Ed: A little youthful over-optimism there.) All this elimination leads to a single sport. America's newest. S-T-R-E-A-K-I-N-G!

Streaking, or flashing in the singular sense, involves running (healthy) to some object that is somewhere close to you (non-tiring), in the nude (fun). What more could anyone want?

With new records being set daily at campuses smaller than ours, UK, with its size, could sweep in and take over the title of Streak Capital of the World.

Think of the monetary gains for the athletic department - endorsements for Official UK Streaking Gear (whatever that might be) to the money that would roll in from huge gate receipts and fees for the University of Kentucky Invitational Streaking Tournament (UKSIT). Lexington merchants would be able to literally smell the money when Commonwealth Stadium opened for UKSIT.

Controversy about some things might be cut short too. For instance, who would go to see The Best of the New York Erotic Film Festival (Ed: Recently closed by the Lexington cops for obscenity.) when outside, 200 streakers were truckin' down Limestone St.? Feminists couldn't complain about unequal treatment - when you're nude, everyone has the same number of pockets. And finally, dorm visitation rules could be abolished under the principle of if you can trust them to streak, you can trust them in the privacy of their own rooms.

The height of the sport on campus would come when UK streakers would use these classy lines reported in the Sunday Courier-Journal, "...the group of six naked Stanford gentlemen who, the story goes, were carrying golf clubs when they encountered a fellow student and his date.

"May we play through?" they politely asked.

What class. What a sport!

Ed: On March 5, the University of Kentucky experienced its first mass streak. Approximately 500 naked kids, accompanied by about 2000 onlookers showed up, causing the cops to call out extra officers to keep the peace. Additional mass streaks continued for several weeks until a student called "Streak Chief" - whose identity I withheld from authorities - was finally discovered and threatened with arrest. More on that another time.

Bring it On!

The Poobah also appears at Bring it On!

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Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Sunday, August 20, 2006

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