The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!: Lil' Georgie Eats Too Much Candy

Lil' Georgie Eats Too Much Candy

As with most things Bushonian, El Jefe's immigration speech attracted a hodgepodge of reaction. The Dems liked it because it was closer to their position and conveniently underscored the arguments between the GOP faithful. The conservatives hated it because it didn't throw anyone in the hoosegow and actually might make businesses accountable for hiring illegals. Middle-of-the-roaders thought it was an OK place to start, but wasn't beefy enough to solve the problem. But mostly, people just turned a deaf ear.

The only thing everyone agrees on is that it was hastily planned, extremely shallow, and contained a sop to nearly every position in the immigration debate. In short, it was a vintage Bush.

I don't doubt Bush wants to do something about immigration. I know that if every voter in the Republic was chomping my ass, I sure would. He's talked it up since day-one and put forth actual proposals in the past. As his performance goes, he's made his professors proud with a little C-level work on this one. The only thing about his commitment I do question is the timing of the speech. Although he believes what he said, KarlSnowCo probably just wanted to change the subject away from some of the other gigantic problems he's facing.

However, it takes more than desire to get things done in Washington. Even though he's floated proposals in the past, he's always done it with the smirking swagger for which he's famous. His "my way or the highway" approach united his base and detractors - but not in a good way.

Instead of buckling down and hammering out compromises, he flitted off to other issues like a Ritalin kid who'd fallen off the wagon just that morning. The trouble was, choosing another issue was like turning Lil' Georgie loose in the candy store. Eyes agoggle and pockets bulging with campaign donations, he bought Iraq, Afghanistan, Social Security, Katrina, and wire tapping bars. It finally became too many mini-Tootsie Rolls for Lil' George and he found himself puking his guts out behind the candy store.

George constantly reminds us what "hard work" Presidentin' is. I would imagine this is true, especially when you have to deal with every issue on a sick stomach, no place to unload the candy, and with friends and foe alike counseling you to have another Snickers and everything will be fine.

George needs a little Pepto to help him recover from this sugar high. He needs to understand that no candy gets him the love and attention he adores - it only makes him puke. He needs to understand that it's better to savor the taste of a few candy bars rather than gorging on Peeps like its Easter morning.

George, here's some advice. You need to stand up and say, "My name is George and I'm a candy junkie" and get to work detoxing yourself. You may as well start with this issue - it's as good as any - and solve the damn problem rather than trying to cover it in chocolate to make it sweeter.