Blind Boy Bob: The Ragin' Cajun CFO

In Sunday's rant we introduced a little piece of imagery that seemed to resonate with some of you. In describing the weekend Republican shindig in Memphis, we mused that the sight of a Republican listening to the blues on Beale Street - the home of the blues - would be an odd sight indeed.

We were thinking about that image while stuck in traffic this afternoon and began to wonder exactly what a Republican bluesman would look like. Here's the picture we painted in our head:
  • Name: Blind Boy Bob (aka, "The Ragin' Cajun CFO").
  • Hometown: Stamford, CT.
  • Age: 63.
  • Size: 5' 11' tall and approximately 256 pounds. Dresses right.
  • Race: White, but very tanned and leathery.
  • Hair: Silver with a huge bald spot showing the distinct impressions of hair plugs.
  • General Appearance: Dark Brooks Brothers suit with fashionably slight fraying at the cuffs. Power tie bearing a stain from a spill of Quinta do Noval 2003 Vintage Port that occurred after the braised lamb shanks at Le Cirque. American flag lapel pin on his right lapel and an RNC elephant pin on the left. New York Stock Exchange Member tie tack encrusted in delicate diamonds. Well worn black, but very shiny wingtip shoes. Brown Borsalino Como hat with a badly broken brim. Wayfarer sunglasses attached to a gold chain around his neck.
  • Bling: Mammoth Yale Law School class ring on his right ring finger. Left ring finger bears a light spot from wedding ring recently taken by his 46 year-old ex-wife in a divorce settlement.
  • Instrument: Very old and scratched Gibson Western classic guitar named "Bunny" after his childhood sweetheart. Wears specially designed pewter finger picks to cover his daily manicure. When playing numbers requiring a bottleneck, he uses the neck from a bottle of 1970 Lafleur wine, specially reworked by his personal glass artisan at the Lennox crystal works.
  • Travel Arrangements: Rides to gigs in a standard Greyhound bus, but buys out all the seats because the other passengers are always, "smelly" and has the interior steam cleaned before he will enter it.
  • Sample Set List:
  1. "The Crash Came Early One Mornin' and I Was Caught Sellin' Short"
  2. The "I Been Indicted Blues"
  3. "I Swung My Club, But I Missed My Putt (One Mornin' at St. Andrews)"
  4. "Drivin' Mizz Titleist"
  5. "Them Income Tax-Captial Gains-Piss Me Off Blues"
  6. The "Let 'Em Eat Cake, But Not Before I Get My Piece Rag"
  7. "Don't Worry 'Bout Them Lil' People Blues"
  8. "My Ex-Wife's a Bitch Rag"
  9. "She Popped My Cork, But The Champaign Was Flat"
  10. "The Cost Cuttin' Cuss From Crawford (Texas Swing Mix)"
Yeah, that'll about do it.

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Tuesday, March 14, 2006

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