Whoa! Step Away From the CrankypantsWe're a little cranky today. Not in that, "I wish everyone would eat shit and die" way, just a teensy bit cranky, more like the, "Oh shutup and go away" way. The reasons for our crankiness are numerous and sundry - a plethora of small nagging reasons - but they still put us on edge. To whit:
- We haven't eaten well today. Blood sugar is our nemesis. Today, our nemesis is winning. You can't be omnipotent every second of every day fer chrissakes. It just doesn't work that way.
- We are bored. We tried taking a few swipes at Baby Doc Bush, but it was just too much like shooting stupid fish in an empty barrel.
- We can't concentrate. We tried reading, but read the same page 60 times before noticing we weren't turning the page. We tried watching television, but there isn't anything on except bull riding and golf. Oh, for the days of Gadabout Gaddis and Clutch Cargo! Now that was television.
- The Mad Russian neighbors are burning trash in their Webber again. I mean that sort of thing may be OK in Petropovlosk, but this is Kahlifornia.
- Our Pakistani neighbors are tiling their garage floor and not being very quiet about it. We're not sure if it is the tiling that annoys us per se. It might be that they use the garage for a dining room. While they are tiling, they are taking their meals in the driveway.
- We tried watching a video clip of Pat Robertson. His stupidity usually makes us feel so superior, but today, it just annoyed us.
- The marine fog didn't burn off until the afternoon, leaving the place all gray and muddy. While we find this de reguier for this time of the year, it must be news to the SF Chronicle. Yesterday's above-the-fold, front-page headline was about fog. Fog in San Francisco. Who would have thunk it?!
- Our omnipotent editor and publisher chair makes our omnipotent ass hurt. Too little padding on the chair and too much padding on our omnipotent ass.
- There are weeds to pull in our modest 2x2 "yard". Why can't everyone enjoy the stark desert-like beauty of weeds as much as we do?
- And finally, this breathing thing we do. Can we stop that? It just makes too much noise and requires too much effort.
So you see, plenty to make one put on an uncomfortably tight-fitting pair of crankypants. It's enough to put anyone on edge, even if they are omnipotent. But, I'll make one more try at driving the blues away...
Chimpy McFlightsuit is really stupid!
Nope! Didn't work. Still too much like shooting fish on the dinner plate. Oh, woe is me!
Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Saturday, August 20, 2005