Happy Birthday to Me...Happy Birthday to Me

I am 50 years old today. My actual chronological age has finally caught up to my "cosmetic" age, but I'm not sure it makes all that much difference.

I've always been taken to be older than I really am. At 16, I routinely test drove cars at the local dealership without once being asked for an ID. In fact, I've never been asked for an ID...ever. My first stepmother once told me that I was the oldest young person she ever met. I was 31 at the time. I was the old man of my Air Force squadron at the ripe old age of 20 and I got my first "command" on the way to report for basic training. I was put in charge of six other inductees because I was the oldest one. Despite what you might think, I didn't lose a single person. They gave me this medal.

Having said all that, I should point out that there is a big diffence between being old and being mature. I'm not sure that I'm mature, even today. In fact, I'm not sure what mature is. Maybe it is when you stop stressing over enough gas money to make to to the prom. Who knows?

For the most part I don't much pay attention to age. When I look in the mirror I don't see some old grey and balding coot (although that is, in reality, what is there). I just see me. I feel like I've always looked this way - and always will for that matter. I am timeless, but ever aware that I'm not immortal. I am vintage.

I don't understand the big whoop-di-doo about aging. I can't see why people have plastic surgery. The idea of hair implants seems foreign to me. As I've gotten grayer and fat I've mostly just chalked it up to normal aging. It happens to everyone, why should I be any different? Who am I to defy the Gods? Besides, I'm not sure I can use L'Oreal. I'm never quite sure if I'm worth it.

I once saw a news item about a man who ate nothing but salad, about five pounds per day by his count. His idea was that he wanted to live to be 125 so he could enjoy the world and his family. His wife didn't look nearly as enthusiastic and I'd be surprised if they lasted another year, much less another 100 or so. I think his kids will be dead by then as well. And I'm guessing lettuce gets really boring by the time you 97 or so.

I always say, "everything in moderation". Age should be no different. So, "happy frickin birthday to me."
Wooo Hooo!

Truth Told by Omnipotent Poobah, Wednesday, June 22, 2005

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